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Difference Between Cultures

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I have always found the Chinese to be a very gracious people.

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In particular, Chinese frequently compliment foreign friends on their language skills,

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knowledge of Chinese culture, professional accomplishments, and personal health.

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Curiously, however, Chinese are as loath to accept a compliment

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as they are eager to give one.

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As many of my Chinese friends have explained,

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this is a manifestation of the Chinese virtue of modesty.

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I have noticed a difference, though,

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in the degree to which modesty is emphasized in the United States and China.

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In the US, we tend to place more emphasis on “seeking the truth from fact;”

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thus, Americans tend to accept a compliment with gratitude.

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Chinese, on the other hand, tend to reject the compliment,

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even when they know they deserve the credit or recognition which has been awarded them.

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I can imagine a Chinese basketball fan meeting Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls.

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He might say, “Mr. Jordan, I am so happy to meet you.

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I just want to tell you, you are the best basketball player in the world;

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you’re the greatest!” to which Jordan would probably respond,

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“Thank you very much. I really appreciate it!

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I just do try to do my best every time I step on the court.”

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If an American met Deng Yaping, China’s premier pingpong player,

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he might say much the same thing: “Ms. Deng, you’re the best!”

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but as a Chinese, Deng would probably say,

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“No, I really don’t play all that well. You’re too much kind.”

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Plainly, Americans and Chinese have different ways of responding to praise.

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Ironically, many Americans might consider Ms. Deng’s hypothetical response the less modest,

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because it is less truthful — and therefore less sincere.

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Americans generally place sincerity above etiquette;

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genuine gratitude for the praise serves as a substitute for protestations of modesty.

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After all, in the words of one of my closest Chinese friends,

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modesty taken to the extreme is arrogance.