A Marriage That's Good Enough



Writer and NPR listener Corinne Colbert knows her life isn't perfect. Despite living in a culture that chases what's bigger, faster and better, she believes it's OK to settle for — and appreciate — what you already have.



I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
And I believe normal life is extraordinary.
This I Believe.

Our This I Believe essay today comes from Corinne Colbert, a listener in Athens, Ohio. Colbert is a mother of two. She writes the newsletter for a business organization, and she is president of a parent-teacher's organization. Here's our series curator, Independent Producer Jay Allison.

In her work with the PTO, Corinne Colbert often finds herself talking to other mothers about their marriages, their expectations of themselves and their partners, their search for happiness. It is in her reaction to those conversations that she finds her belief. Here's Corinne Colbert with her essay for This I Believe.

My husband is not my best friend. He doesn't complete me. In fact, he can be a self- absorbed jerk. We're nearly polar opposites: He's a lifetime member of the NRA who doesn't care for journalists, and I'm a lifelong liberal with a journalism degree. On the other hand, he doesn't beat or emotionally abuse me. He doesn't drink or chase other women. He's a good provider. So I'm sticking with him.

Some people would call that 'settling', like it's a bad thing. But I believe in settling.

The Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines "to settle" as "to place in a desired state or order, to quiet, calm or bring to rest, to make stable. In short, it means that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Alas, too many of us buy into a different adage, that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. From movies to magazines to commercials, we're told that we should demand more from lives that are, for many of us, pretty good. We suppose to look better, eat better, find better jobs, be better lovers and parents and workers. A stable marriage isn't enough. It's supposed to be a fairy tale. Perfection is the goal.

But what cost? Would I really be any happier if I take up yoga and eat more soy, if my spouse wasn't just my partner but my soul mate? I doubt it.

Setting in my sense, is about acceptance. I'm a pretty happy person, in large part because I'm honest with myself about what I have. My body isn't bikini-worthy, but it's healthy. I never write for Rolling Stone as I once dreamed, but I am making a living as a writer. I yelled at my sons and let them play too much GameCube, but I'm still a good mom.

Of course, some situations are worth improving. If your weight jeopardizes your health, exercise and change your eating habits; if your job makes you truly miserable, find a new one. If your marriage is toxic, end it. Chances are though; you probably have what you need: a roof over your head, food on the table, a job that pays the bills, and family and friends. If you're unhappy, ask yourself: Am I unhappy because I really don't have what I need, or because I just want more?

So, yes, I'm settling. Sure, I wish my husband would kiss me more often, tell me he loves me every day, and get as excited about my accomplishments as I do. Emptying the dishwasher without being asked and giving me unsolicited foot massages wouldn't hurt, either. Now that would be nice, but it's not necessary. I'm happy with my husband who, despite his flaws, is a caring father, capable of acts of stunning generosity and fiercely protective of his family. Thinking about him may not set me on fire as it used to, but after 17 years and two kids, our love is still warm. And I believe that's good enough.

Corinne Colbert with her essay for This I Believe. Colbert told us she showed this essay to her husband who said he shares her belief and that he feels marriage is about family not just two people.

We welcome essays from everyone. You may visit npr.org/thisibelieve to find out how to submit and to see all the essays in the series. For This I Believe, I'm Jay Allison.

This Sunday on weekend edition, our essay comes from listener Michael Odeman on the belief that took him off the streets.

Support for This I Believe comes from Prudential Retirement.