Returning to What's Natural


College student Amelia Baxter-Stoltzfus believes in the freedom offered by semi-permanent hair dye



I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
And I believe normal life is extraordinary.
This I Believe.

Amelia Baxter-Stoltzfus was born and raised in Princeton, New Jersey, and her This I Believe essay was written in her last trimester of high school, a little over a year ago. She's now a sophomore at the University of Chicago studying anthropology, and although she updated her essay a bit, she says her belief both literally and symbolically is holding steady. Here's Amelia Baxter-Stoltzfus with her essay for This I Believe.

I believe in semi-permanent hair dye. The kind that lets you have a few wacky purple headed weeks in the depressing months of winter term. But leaves you plain and brunette again in time for graduation pictures. The kind that lets you be whoever you want, without letting go of how you got there. The kind that lets you embrace those internal contradictions that make up an entire oxymoronic complex complete human being. I believe in hypocrisy just a little.

Semi-permanent hair dye is about finding security within unlimited freedom. It's about recognizing what I have in my life and holding on to it even if only at the base of a follicle. Because I also believe in roots. My mother always tells me that the hair color you're born with is the one that looks the best on you. And I want to make sure that there's something inside of me that's always going to be worth returning to. Maybe the house I lived with my parents will never be home for me again. Maybe I'll fall out of touch with people I thought I was pretty close to in high school. Maybe I'll hate the way a darker brown washes me out. But I'll know that in 20 to 26 washes, I'll come back to something that I've had naturally forever and I'll know it looks pretty good.

Here's where the hypocrisy comes in. Every time you get away from home, thinking how you are going to reinvent yourself, you end up hanging on to the things about yourself that are the most familiar. Feeling safe isn't about setting limits on the outside. It's about hanging on for dear life to what's on the inside, no matter how your context changes. Because honestly you'll never know whether you look fantastic as a red head unless you've tried. What you will know is that you have brown to return to you when you are ready.

I've just moved into my first department all on my own and New Jersey has never felt so far away. But this new independence could only come from dependence, from knowing that there are unshakable things within my life that have made me ready to face all the Big Bads out there in the world. We can't be toddlers or teenagers forever, and there's too much out there to experience to make me want to dwell too much in the past. So I do believe in permanent change. Just not for my hair.

Amelia Baxter-Stoltzfus with her essay for This I Believe. Amelia said that since she wrote this essay, her hair has been black, red and purple. By the way Amelia 's mother submitted her essay to us without Amelia's knowledge but she said that was OK. And if you or your mother would like to send an essay into our series, visit our website at npr.org/thisibelieve, where, if you happen to be a teacher, you can also find our free curriculum materials. For This I Believe I'm Jay Allison.

This I Believe is independently produced by Jay Allison, Dan Gediman, John Gregory, and Viki Merrick.

Support for NPR comes from Prudential Retirement, sponsor of This I Believe, Prudential believes every worker can achieve a more secure retirement, Prudential Retirement, where beliefs matter. Support for This I Believe comes from the Corperation for Public Broadcasting.