Living in the Here and Now


Businessman Jeffrey Hollender believes being present isn't easy but it is the best way to live life


I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
And I believe normal life is extraordinary.
This I believe.

I'm Jay Allison for This I believe. Jeffrey Hollender is the CEO of Seventh Generation, a company producing environmentally safe household products. But before that his business ventures included adult education courses with names like "How to meet man?" and "How to marry money?”. Once on the Phil Donahue Show, he was heckled by the audience for such money making schemes and he said he knew he had to change. In fact, Hollender believes there is always an opportunity to change although sometimes it takes a tragedy to realize it. Here is Jeffrey Hollender with his essay for This I believe.

Six years ago, my younger brother Peter, who was my closest friend and the only remaining member of my immediate family, ended his life. Nothing I have ever experienced, or have experienced since, has had such a powerful impact on what I believe.

Till then, life often slid by me. My mind lost in reviewing what had just happened or anticipating what was to come. The present seemed to disappear between the past and the future. The life, most of us lead is short to begin with. The more we miss, the shorter it gets.

I vowed to myself that I would honor my brother's death by being present in my own life. I found a new world opened up before me, a life richer in detail and both wider and wilder. The autopilot I'd been running on for God knows how long finally shut off. I began to see new possibilities for thought, vision, caring and action: to say too often what remains unsaid, to admit that often I have no idea what to do.

Being present isn't easy. On a good day, I’d say I'm conscious maybe 1 to 2 percent of the time. The rest of the time, I’m reacting. Usually those reactions are not particularly thoughtful. They're just responses, old patterns or the repetition of what I did yesterday.

Now I try to ask questions, not give answers. This is not easy for me to do. I’m someone with a lot of answers. I have to restrain myself. Not reacting takes a lot of work, but the more I'm able to do it, the more I feel like I'm being the person I aspired to be.

I see that my own mind can be my greatest limitation, and on bad days, it always is, or the gateway to what matters most to me, the big stuff, environmental sustainability, world peace, the end of hunger, the beginning of true social justice for all. I used to think that these possibilities were beyond our reach, impossible to hope for, silly to believe in. But if we don't believe in our own ability to make them happen, they never will.

I found that my decision to be present that is filled with attention to what is, is foundational.

I often cry when I think about my brother. It’s one of the few things I let myself cry about. I missed opportunities with him because I wasn't present, missed opportunities I will never have again. In some ways, he was almost always fully present. He didn't know any other way to be. I don't wanna miss any more of my life, any more than I already have. By being present and conscious, aware and awake, I believe that I can honor my brother, just a little bit every day.

Jeffrey Hollender with his essay for This I believe. We invite essays from everyone and hope you will consider writing your own. More details can be found at our website npr.org/thisibelieve, or you can also browse through the more than 30,000 essays that have been submitted to date. For This I believe, I’m Jay Allison.

This I Believe is independently produced by Jay Allison, Dan Gediman, John Gregory, and Viki Merrick, with Emily Botein.

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