From One Question, Two Families Spring

Washing dishes one night, Cathy Resmer asked her friend Jules Fishelman an unexpected question: "Would you like to be our sperm donor?" For Resmer, it was a dream request. For Fishelman, it was a life-changing moment.

Time now for StoryCorps .

Many of the stories in this traveling oral history project have been about relationships. Today, two friends, Cathy Resmer and Jules Fishelman, talk about how their relationship was transformed at a potluck dinner.

You are facing the sink and you are washing dishes and we are talking and there's a pause and then you ask "would you like to be our sperm donor? And I just, I have no idea what's going on. I felt completely warmed by even the question. But I never asked you how you got to that point.

Well, Ann Elise and I got civil-unioned in 2000. I had never thought about having kids until I was with Ann-Elise but I really wanted to have a known donor like if you've ever seen Star Wars? For example. You know that the whole trilogy is about Luke and his search for his father. You wanted to make sure that his father was not Darth Vader. I did. That was part of it. I, I appreciate that. You know, I just, I really just wanted my child to grow up, not having to ask that question in that way. So then we thought, okay, so who are we gonna ask and you were the one on the list. There's only one and the other reason that we picked you is because you're the kind of person that we want our child to grow into,'cos you are just so kind and gentle and we are happy to have you as part of our lives. Thank you. It's amazing to hear you talk about that. I knew that when you asked me, you were asking for something so personal and so serious. That simply being asked was an honor but I didn't know at the time that saying yes that you and Ann-Elise were gonna go on a hunt to find me a good woman but you hooked me up with Rachel and now we've had our first child. They won't grow up in the same family under the same roof and the same rules. But they're gonna be hopefully very close and it totally blows away the image of family but it's, it's family nonetheless and I love them.

Jules Fishelman and Cathy Resmer in Burlington, Vermont. StoryCorps interviews are archived at the Library of Congress. Learn how to record your story at npr.org.
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civil union
A legal union of a same-sex couple, sanctioned by civil authority

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