Clerk: Hello, sir. What can I do for you?

Customer: Hi. Uh ... I have this ... uh ... cassette player (Mm-hmm.) here that I bought about six months ago. And it just ruined four of my favourite cassettes.

Clerk: Oh dear, I'm sorry.

Customer: So I ... um ... wanted you to fix it. I'm sure it will be no problem, right?

Clerk: Your sales slip, please?

Customer: Yeah, here it is. Uh.

Clerk: I'm sorry, sir. Your warranty's expired.

Customer: Well, it ... uh ... ran out ten days ago, but I'm sure that you'll ... you'll ... fix the machine for free, because the machine was obviously defective when I bought it. I ...

Clerk: I'm sorry, sir. Your warranty has run out. There's nothing I can do.

Customer: No. No, look. No. I didn't drop it off a building or anything. I mean, what difference can ten days make? I mean you ... you can—

Clerk: Sir, I'm sorry, we have the six-month rule for a reason. We can't ...

Customer: Well, but you can bend the rule a little bit.

Clerk: ... make an exception for you. Then we'll have to make an exception for everybody. (Well, but look ...) You could say it's only a month, it's only two months.

Customer: I just lost twenty dollars worth of tapes.

Clerk: Sir, I'm sorry, it's too late.

Customer: It actually ate the tapes. I mean, they're destroyed. I mean—

Clerk: Well, sir, you knew (I ...) when your warranty ran out. You should (Well ...) have brought it in before. It was (Well ... look ...) guaranteed for six months. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do.

Customer: Paying for this is adding insult to injury. I mean, surely you're going to make good on this cassette player. It's ... it's ... it's a good cassette player, but it's just defective. I mean, I can't pay for this.

Clerk: Well, sir, I'm sorry, you should have brought it in earlier.

Customer: But surely you won't hold me to ten days on this.

Clerk: Sir, the rules are the rules. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do.


Norma: You know, Brian, it doesn't look like you've vacuumed the living room or cleaned the bathroom.

Brian: No, I haven't. Ugh. I had the worst day. I am so tired. Look, I promise I'll do it this weekend.

Norma: Listen, I know the feeling. I'm tired, too. But I came home and I did my share of the housework. I mean, that's the agreement, right?

Brian: All right. We agreed. I'll do it in a minute.

Norma: Come on. Don't be that way. You know, (What?) I shouldn't have to ask you to do anything. I mean, we both work, we both live in the house, we agreed that housework is ... is both of our responsibility. I don't like to have to keep reminding you about it. It makes me feel like an old nag or something.

Brian: Sometimes you are an old nag.

Norma: Oh, great!

Brian: No, it's just that I don't notice when things get dirty like you do. Look, all you have to do is tell me, and I'll do it.

Norma: No, I don't want to be put in that position. I mean, you can see dirt as well as I can. Otherwise—I mean, that puts all the responsibility on me.

Brian: It's just that cleanliness is not a high priority with me. There are other things I would much rather do. Besides, the living room floor does not look that dirty.

Norma: Brian.

Brian: Okay, a couple crumbs.


Bob: Mr. Weaver, I have been with this company now for five years. And I've always been very loyal to the company. And I feel that I've worked quite hard here. And I've never been promoted. It's getting to the point now in my life where, you know, I need more money. I would like to buy a car. I'd like to start a family, and maybe buy a house, all of which is impossible with the current salary you're paying me.

Mr. Weaver: Bob, I know you've been with the company for a while, but raises here are based on merit, not on length of employment. Now, you do your job adequately, but you don't do it well enough to deserve a raise at this time. Now, I've told you before, to earn a raise you need to take more initiative and show more enthusiasm for the job. Uh, for instance, maybe find a way to make the office run more efficiently.

Bob: All right. Maybe I could show a little more enthusiasm. I still think that I work hard here. But a company does have at least an obligation to pay its employees enough to live on. And the salary I'm getting here isn't enough. The rent's rising. The price of food is going up. The reflation is high, and I can barely cover my expenses.

Mr. Weaver: Bob, again, I pay people what they're worth to the company, now, not what they think they need to live on comfortably. If you did that the company would go out of business.

Bob: Yes, but I have ... I have been here for five years and I have been very loyal. And it's absolutely necessary for me to have a raise or I cannot justify keeping this job any more.

Mr. Weaver: Well, that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself, Bob.


Here is an extract from a radio talk on marriage customs in different parts of the world by Professor Robin Stuart:
Despite the recent growth in the number of divorces, we in the West still tend to regard courtship and marriage through the eyes of a Hollywood producer. For us it's a romantic business. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy asks girl to marry him, girl accepts. Wedding, flowers, big celebration.
But in other parts of the world things work differently. In India, for instance, arranged marriage is still very common. An intermediary, usually a married lady, learns that a young man wishes to get married and she undertakes to find him a suitable bride. The young couple meet for the first time on the day of the wedding.
In Japan, too, arranged marriages still take place. But there things are organized in a different way. A girl wishes to find a husband, and the girl's mother, or an aunt perhaps, approaches the mother of a suitable young man and the young couple are introduced. They get a chance to have a look at one another and if one of them says 'Oh, no, I could never marry him or her', they call the whole thing off. But if they like one another, then the wedding goes ahead.
In parts of Africa, a man is allowed to have several wives. Now that sounds fine from the man's point of view, but in fact the man is taking on a great responsibility. When he takes a new wife and buys her a nice present, he has to buy all his other wives presents of equal value and, although we are obviously speaking of a male-dominated society, the wives often become very close and so, if there is a disagreement in the family, the husband has three or four wives to argue with instead of just one.
Now, most listeners, being used to the Western style of courtship and marriage, will assume that this is the best system and the one with the greatest chance of producing a happy marriage. But pause and reflect. Marriage must always be something of a gamble. Going out with somebody for six months is very different from being married to them for six years.
It is true that American women, brought up in the United States, who married Africans and went to live in Africa, have sometimes found it exceedingly difficult to assume the role of the wife of an African living in Africa. However, my observations have led me to believe that various forms of arranged marriage have just as much chance of bringing happiness to the husband and wife as our Western system of choosing marriage partners.


Dentist: There we are. Now, open wide. Now, this won't hurt a bit. You won't feel a thing.

Patient: Aaaagh!

Dentist: Come along, now. Open your mouth. I can't give you the injection with your mouth closed, can I?

Patient: I ... I ... I don't want an injection. I hate needles.

Dentist: But it won't hurt you, I promise. None of us likes injections but sometimes they're necessary.

Patient: It will hurt, I know.

Dentist: Not at all. Look, I often deal with little children and they never complain; they're always very brave. Now, open wide.

Patient: I don't want an injection.

Dentist: But how else can I take out your tooth? It would hurt even more without an injection, wouldn't it? And the reason we're taking it out is because it's hurting you, isn't it? Once you've had an injection and I've taken out the tooth you won't have any more pain at all. So let's be brave. Open wide.

Patient: Aaaagh.

Dentist: But I haven't touched you yet. What are you shouting for?

Patient: You're going to touch me.

Dentist: Well, of course I am. I can't give you an injection without touching you. As soon as you've had the injection your gum will freeze and you won't feel a thing.

Patient: How do I know what you'll do while I'm asleep? You might rob me.

Dentist: Now, let's not be silly. You won't go to sleep. We don't do that nowadays. This will just freeze the area around the tooth so that you can't feel any pain while I'm pulling out the tooth. That's all. You won't go to sleep. You can watch everything I do in that mirror above you. Come along now.

Patient: I don't want to watch. I'll faint.

Dentist: Then don't look in the mirror. But there won't be a lot of blood. I promise you.

Patient: Blood! Blood! Why did you have to say that? I can't afford to lose any blood.

Dentist: Now let's not be silly. You can't take out a tooth without losing some blood.

Patient: Blood ...!

Dentist: But it's a tiny amount. You'll make it up in a day.

Patient: A night.

Dentist: All right, in a night, then. But as I said it's only a small amount of blood ...

Patient: Blood! Blood!

Dentist: ... and it isn't going to kill you.

Patient: Kill! Kill!

Dentist: Oh, don't be silly; of course it won't. You can't die from having a tooth pulled out.

Patient: Die! Die!

Dentist: I shall get cross in a minute.

Patient: Cross! Cross!

Dentist: Now look, I've had just about enough of this. You come in here screaming in pain, saying that you've been in agony all night because you bit on a bone or something, and you ask me to do something to stop the pain but the minute I do try to do something you won't let me. Now, just what exactly am I expected to do? You're a grown man and I'm a very busy lady. I have a lot of patients waiting in the other room and you're taking up my time, which is very expensive. Now, pull yourself together and let's get on with it.

Patient: I can't. Couldn't you just give me some painkillers?

Dentist: Well, I could, but that isn't going to solve the problem. On the other hand, perhaps that's the best thing if you're so nervous about me doing the extraction today. Yes, perhaps that's best. You take some painkillers and let's make an appointment for next week when you're feeling less nervous. Now, which day would you like, Mr. ...? Sorry I didn't catch your name.

Patient: Dracula.


Man: Rose (hic). Rose (hic). Rosemary. Can (hic) can you (hic) help me?

Rosemary: What's the mater? Oh, you've got the hiccups.

Man: I've had them for (hic) three hours (hic, hic).

Rosemary: Oh, there must be something we can do. Now, what are the different remedies for hiccups?

Man: I've tried everything (hic) I can think of.

Rosemary: Have you tried holding your breath?

Man: I've tried (hic) holding it (hic) but I hiccuped.

Rosemary: Well, you obviously haven't held it long enough.

Man: How can (hic) I hold it long enough when I (hic) hiccup in the middle?

Rosemary: Now what's the other thing I've heard? Now come along, something to do with a glass of water. That's right, you have to drink from the other side of a glass. Have you tried that?

Man: Well, how (hic) do you mean (hic) drink (hic) from the other side of a glass?

Rosemary: Well, you know how you drink normally ...

Man: Yes (hic).

Rosemary: Then you drink from the opposite side.

Man: You mean (hic) you turn the glass round (hic)?

Rosemary: You bend over with your head towards the floor, then you put your lips to the far side of the glass and you try to drink it like that.

Man: Ah, (hic) you mean like this?

Rosemary: Oh no, you're getting it all over the carpet. Now what's the other thing? Key down the back of your neck.

Man: No (hic), that's for when your ... your nose's bleeding.

Rosemary: Oh, is it? What about a coin on your forehead?

Man: I've never (hic, hic) heard of that (hic).

Rosemary: Now what's that other thing for hiccups? A shock, a shock. I'll have to frighten you ... Erm ... let me burst a paper bag.

Man: (Hic) But (hic) I know you (hic) are going to frighten me so I (hic) won't be frightened, will I? (Hic)

Rosemary: Now what else is there? Now, look, I know. I'll give you five pounds if you hiccup again, you give me five pounds if you can't.

Man: Yes, all right.

Rosemary: Did you understand what I said?

Man: Of course I did. You give me five pounds if I hiccup again.

Rosemary: Yes, but you stopped hiccuping, so that means you owe me five pounds.

Man: Oh, no!


(1) A: But the whole office complains that I smell of garlic for a week after we've been to the French restaurant.
B: Well, how about (pause) the Chinese then?

(2) A: Look,if you're determined to eat, why don't you go down to the take away and bring us back a nice packet of fish and chips?
B: Fish and chips?
A: Well, it's better than nothing, isn't it? Go on. It's down the road and if you're quick, (pause) they'll still be hot when you get back.

(3) A: Hurry up and you'll be in time for the next programme.
B: Not if (pause) there's a queue.

(4) A: Hi George. Where are you off to?
B: Home, do you want to come and listen to some jazz?
A: Yes, that sounds (pause) a good idea.

(5) A: But I don't think I'm going to take it.
B: Why not? Not enough money?
A: No, it's not that; the money's good. About 200 a week. It's just that we'll be working in a hotel playing for the tourists and they just want the same old tunes over and over to dance to and I get so bored. It's not like playing music, it's like being a machine.
B: I wouldn't mind (pause) being a machine for that money.

(6) But if all I wanted was money I could do an ordinary job. I play drums because (pause) I want to play drums.


Sleep
It's clear that everyone needs to sleep. Most people rarely think about how and why they sleep, however. We know that if we sleep well, we feel rested. If we don't sleep enough, we often feel tired and irritable. It seems there are two purposes of sleep: physical rest and emotional or psychological rest. We need to rest our bodies and our minds. Both are important in order for us to be healthy. Each night we alternate between two kinds of sleep: active sleep and passive sleep. The passive sleep gives our body the rest that's needed and prepares us for active sleep, in which dreaming occurs.
Throughout the night, people alternate between passive and active sleep. The brain rests, then it becomes active, then dreaming occurs. The cycle is repeated: the brain rests, then it becomes active, then dreaming occurs. This cycle is repeated several times throughout the night. During eight hours of sleep, people dream for a total of one and half hours on the average.