A Letter to My Son, on Starting Out in Life

Dear Seth,

You’re only three years old, and at this point in your life you can’t read, much less understand what I’m going to try to tell you in this letter. But I’ve been thinking a lot about the life that you have ahead of you, about my life so far as I reflect on what I’ve learned, and about my role as a dad in trying to prepare you for the trials that you will face in the coming years.

You won’t be able to understand this letter today, but someday, when you’re ready, I hope you will find some wisdom and value in what I share with you.

You are young, and life has yet to take its toll on you, to throw disappointments and heartaches and loneliness and struggles and pain into your path. You have not been worn down yet by long hours of thankless work, by the slings and arrows of everyday life.

For this, be thankful. You are at a wonderful stage of life. You have many wonderful stages of life still to come, but they are not without their costs and perils.

I hope to help you along your path by sharing some of the best of what I’ve learned. As with any advice, take it with a grain of salt. What works for me might not work for you.

Life Can Be Cruel

There will be people in your life who won’t be very nice. They’ll tease you because you’re different, or for no good reason. They might try to bully you or hurt you.

There’s not much you can do about these people except to learn to deal with them, and learn to choose friends who are kind to you, who actually care about you, who make you feel good about yourself. When you find friends like this, hold on to them, treasure them, spend time with them, be kind to them, love them.

There will be times when you are met with disappointment instead of success. Life won’t always turn out the way you want. This is just another thing you’ll have to learn to deal with. But instead of letting these things get you down, push on. Accept disappointment and learn to persevere, to pursue your dreams despite pitfalls. Learn to turn negatives into positives, and you’ll do much better in life.

You will also face heartbreak and abandonment by those you love. I hope you don’t have to face this too much, but it happens. Again, not much you can do but to heal, and to move on with your life. Let these pains become stepping stones to better things in life, and learn to use them to make you stronger.

But Be Open to Life Anyway

Yes, you’ll find cruelty and suffering in your journey through life … but don’t let that close you to new things. Don’t retreat from life, don’t hide or wall yourself off. Be open to new things, new experiences, new people.

You might get your heart broken 10 times, but find the most wonderful woman the 11th time. If you shut yourself off from love, you’ll miss out on that woman, and the happiest times of your life.

You might get teased and bullied and hurt by people you meet … and then after meeting dozens of jerks, find a true friend. If you close yourself off to new people, and don’t open your heart to them, you’ll avoid pain … but also lose out on meeting some incredible people, who will be there during the toughest times of your life and create some of the best times of your life.

You will fail many times but if you allow that to stop you from trying, you will miss out on the amazing feeling of success once you reach new heights with your accomplishments. Failure is a stepping stone to success.

Life Isn’t a Competition

You will meet many people who will try to outdo you, in school, in college, at work. They’ll try to have nicer cars, bigger houses, nicer clothes, cooler gadgets. To them, life is a competition — they have to do better than their peers to be happy.

Here’s a secret: life isn’t a competition. It’s a journey. If you spend that journey always trying to impress others, to outdo others, you’re wasting your journey. Instead, learn to enjoy the journey. Make it a journey of happiness, of constant learning, of continual improvement, of love.

Don’t worry about having a nicer car or house or anything material, or even a better-paying job. None of that matters a whit, and none of it will make you happier. You’ll acquire these things and then only want more. Instead, learn to be satisfied with having enough — and then use the time you would have wasted trying to earn money to buy those things … use that time doing things you love.

Find your passion, and pursue it doggedly. Don’t settle for a job that pays the bills. Life is too short to waste on a job you hate.

Love Should Be Your Rule

If there’s a single word you should live your life by, it should be this: Love. It might sound corny, I know … but trust me, there’s no better rule in life.

Some would live by the rule of success. Their lives will be stressful, unhappy and shallow.

Others would live by the rule of selfishness — putting their needs above those of others. They will live lonely lives, and will also be unhappy.

Still others will live by the rule of righteousness — trying to show the right path, and admonishing anyone who doesn’t live by that path. They are concerned with others, but in a negative way, and in the end will only have their own righteousness to live with, and that’s a horrible companion.

Live your life by the rule of love. Love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, with all of your heart. Give to them what they need, and show them not cruelty nor disapproval nor coldness nor disappointment, but only love. Open your soul to them.

Love not only your loved ones, but your neighbors … your coworkers … strangers … your brothers and sisters in humanity. Offer anyone you meet a smile, a kind word, a kind gesture, a helping hand.

Love not only neighbors and strangers … but your enemy. The person who is cruelest to you, who has been unkind to you … love him. He is a tortured soul, and most in need of your love.

And most of all, love yourself. While others may criticize you, learn not to be so hard on yourself, to think that you’re ugly or dumb or unworthy of love … but to think instead that you are a wonderful human being, worthy of happiness and love … and learn to love yourself for who you are.

Finally, know that I love you and always will. You are starting out on a weird, scary, daunting, but ultimately incredibly wonderful journey, and I will be there for you when I can. Godspeed.

Love,

Your Dad

译文: 给儿子的一封信，关于人生的旅程

亲爱的儿子塞思，

你才三岁, 还看不懂，也无法理解我在这封信中想要告诉你什么。但我却一直都在考虑你的未来，反思到目前为止我从生活中所学到的点滴，思考作为一位父亲我该如何为你的未来铺好路。

现在，你还看不懂这封信；但总有一天，当你长大成人的时候，希望你可以从这些我与你分享的对生活的领悟中，得到智慧与财富。

你还小，生活还没有难为你，失望、伤心、孤独、挣扎和痛苦这些都还没袭向你。你还没有被冗长徒劳的工作和生活中的琐事，这些让人筋疲力尽的事，所捉弄折磨。

对于这些，要心存感激。你现在正处在人生中最美好的阶段。在未来的日子里，还会有很多精彩的时刻，但随之而来的还有代价和危险。

希望与你分享这些我对生活的感悟，能使你以后的人生道路走得更顺畅。和任何别的建议一样，仅供参考，就如同给你一把盐调味，放多放少还要自己决定。对我有益的事也许对你并不一定有用。

生活可以是残酷的

在你人生道路上，总会遇见一些不友善的人。他们取笑戏弄你，或因为你与他们不同或根本就没有理由。他们可能会欺辱你、伤害你。

对于这些人，除了学会如何对付他们，与他们相处，你没有什么可做的。选择那些对你好，真正在乎你，鼓励你，让你对自己充满信心的人做朋友；当你找到这样的朋友，紧紧抓住，珍惜他们，和他们在一起，好好待他们，爱他们。

人生不总是成功的，会遇到许多让你失望的事。生活也不总是一帆风顺，你要学会处理的这些不顺心的事。与其被这些事情打垮，还不如继续奋斗。接受那些不如意的事，哪怕前面有陷阱也要坚持不懈地追求你的梦想。要学会把消极转化为积极，只有这样，你才能更好的处理生活中所遇到的事。

你也会有被所爱的人抛弃，伤心欲绝的时候。希望你不会遇到太多这样的事，但这些事却又无法避免。还是那句话，你能做的只有痊愈，然后继续前进。让这些伤痛成为通往成功路上的垫脚石吧，学会利用这些让自己变得更坚强。

无论如何都要对生活充满信心

是的，在人生的旅途中你会遇到残酷和令你痛苦的事。但别因为这些事而把自己与新的事物隔绝开。别逃避生活，别把自己藏起来，别封闭自己。对新事物，新人生，新朋友敞开胸怀。

或许你会心碎10次，但在第11次的时候，你会找到这个世界上最棒的女人。如果你把自己关起来，与爱隔绝，你就会错过第11个女人，错过生命中最快乐幸福的时光。

或许你会被你所遇到的人欺负或伤害……然后，在遇到许多无关紧要的人后，找到了真正的朋友。如果你把自己关起来，不与他人接触，不向他们敞开心扉；你是可以避免受到伤痛，但同时也会错过那些将会陪你走过人生中最艰难的时刻，让你拥有人生中最美好的时光的了不起的人。

你会屡次失败，但如果你让失败阻止你前进的步伐，就没法体验当你的成就达到一个新的高度时的美妙感觉。失败是成功的垫脚石。

生活不是攀比

不管是在中学，在大学，还是在职场中，你都会遇到许多想要超越你的人。他们想方设法拥有更豪华的汽车，更宽敞的房子，更漂亮的衣服，更炫的小玩意。对于他们来说，生活就是互相攀比，为了使自己比同龄人更快乐，他们不得不做得更好。

我的秘诀是：生活不是攀比。生活是一段旅程。如果你在人生的旅程中，总是想着如何引人注目，如何超越他人，你就是在浪费生命。相反，要学会享受人生的过程。在旅程中，不断学习，不断提高，使这段旅程充满欢乐、充满爱。

别老是想着如何才能拥有更好的车房或其他什么，甚至更高收入的工作。这些都无关紧要，他们并不能使你更快乐。一旦你得到了这些东西，你会要求更多。相反，你应当学会知足。把你本打算花在赚更多钱买更好的东西上的时间，用在真正爱做的事上。

明确你真正想要的，并坚持不懈地追求。不要接受一份工作，仅仅因为它可以付你的帐单。生命太短暂了，不要把时间花在你讨厌的工作上。

爱应当成为你的准则

如果有一个词可以作为你生命的准则的话，那么这个词应当是爱。或许这听起来很老土。但相信我，没有比这更好的生活准则了。

有些人为了成功而活，他们的生活将充满压力，没有欢乐，且肤浅无趣。

其他人或许为了自己而活，他们总是把自己的需要放在首位。他们的生活将是孤独的，没有欢乐。

也有一些人为了所谓的正义而活，他们试图告诉人们正确的生活方式，告诫那些不按照这样的方式生活的人。他们用消极的眼光看待他人，最后，他们只会想着自己的感受，自己的原则，这是很可怕的。

为爱而活。全心全意地爱你的伴侣，爱你的孩子，爱你的父母，爱你的朋友。给他们需要的爱，而不是残忍、反对、冷酷、失望。全心全意地对待他们。

不但爱那些你爱的人，还要爱你的邻居，爱你的同事，爱陌生人，爱所有的人。给每一个你遇见的人一个微笑，一句甜言，友善的对待他们，助其一臂之力。

不单单爱你的邻居，爱陌生人，……还要爱你的敌人，对你最残酷的人，对你不好的人……爱他们。因为他们的灵魂是扭曲的，他们最需要你的爱。

最重要的是，爱你自己。即便其他人指责挑剔你，你也要学会不去为难自己，别去想自己太陋或不聪明，不配得到爱……相反，要相信自己是一个很棒的人，值得拥有快乐，拥有爱……爱真实的自己，爱原本的自己。

最后，要知道我爱你，永远都爱。人生旅程刚开始时，对你来说将会是陌生的令人害怕沮丧的，但最终这将是难以置信的精彩人生。我会一直陪伴着你，只要我能。成功，平安！

爱你的父亲

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