中英文双语精读：记住我血的教训，千万不要理光头
http://www.ebigear.com jiancacy 北美中文网 English Corner 2008-02-10 阅读872
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Seeing so many baldies (American slang for bald person) in school, I was very tempted to shave my head too. Ever since I was a baby, the only time I was bald was when I was one month old.
Just entering into university, be cool even if it is only once seems wonderful. I made up my mind and walked into the barbershop. Inside, there were a few people waiting. The barber asked: “You have such short hair, do you want a crew cut?”
I said: “No, shave my head.”
The barber laughed and told the rest of the people to wait. “Let him go first, it’ll only take five minutes.”
Ten minutes later, I walked out of the barbershop, feeling free.
Touching my head, felt a bit pricky. Felt like a monk. Who knows, maybe my last incarnation was a monk.
Returning to dormitory, my dorm mates were astonished. After laughing aloud for a while, all of them couldn’t resist themselves to come up for a touch.
“Um, feels nice!”
“Go! Go! Go! Is my head a mop? Next time someone touches my head again, I’ll be pissed. ”
June 5th, sunny and feeling awful
When I surfed the net today, I couldn’t help it and told my classmate in another city. Incredibly, he returned the message with a joke:
“A girl was taking a shower. Her parrot yelled: ‘I saw it, I saw it!’ The girl got upset and scolded the parrot: ‘Next time you shout, I’ll pull off all your feathers!’
The next day, a baldie came and visited the girl. The parrot flew to the guest’s shoulder and asked: ‘Hey, you saw it too?’”
After the story, my friend kept on asking me: “You, did you do something bad?”
I almost fainted in anger…
June 10th, sunny and bored
In the past few days, life has been extremely boring…
This afternoon, I didn’t attend one of my classes. It is normal that some people will not show up for one or more of their classes. This wasn’t the first time for me either. After half a period however, the teacher glanced around and said: “Someone is missing. Not everybody is here.”
Everyone below yelled: “Everybody is here. No one is missing.” The teacher said slowly: “Where’s the baldie? I remember there is a baldie in this class, he hasn’t come today?”
When my classmate told me about this, my heart cringed. Looks like I won’t be able to skip classes anymore…
555555…
June 11th, please don’t be sunny anymore
Due to yesterday’s event, I attended all of my six classes. Now, new problems arose. Whenever I dozed off, teacher’s “caring” glance would always float by and reach me.
“That bald head student, are you done sleeping?”
My only choice was to lift my eyes and look at him.
Most of the teachers outside our department often don’t recognize us. When calling rolls, they have to look at the attendance sheet. Like winning prizes, whoever is being called upon, whoever got tough luck. Now, everything is just dandy. The teacher doesn’t bother looking at the attendance sheet anymore. Whenever there’s a question, the bald student please…
Life is awful.
June 18th, please rain
Finally I convinced two of my classmates to shave their heads too. Now, we have three baldies in our class. My nightmare is now reduced by two thirds.
I am very grateful to them. Thinking of them as confidants. In today’s English class, I decided to sit with them. Baldie against baldie, light brighten half of the sky, also brighten teacher’s eyes.
We were carelessly listening when the English teacher said: “The second bald student from the 2nd roll, please get up.”
I looked to the left then looked to the right, certain of my own geographic location and stood up unwillingly.
“Please tell me how to say 1:58 in English?” The teacher smiled, didn’t know why though.
Easy! I blurted out: “Two to two.”
Then, everyone in class started laughing! God, duped!
My fellow students, please remember my blood-earn lesson, never shave your head!
Never Shave Your Head 我的光头日记
6月2日
看着校园里越来越多的光头在闪亮，我心里又禁不住活泛了，说实话，从小到大除了剃满月那次好像再没让脑袋见过光，所以，剃个光头对我而言极具诱惑。
刚进大学，好像应该酷一酷，狠狠心，我朝理发店走去。里面还有几个人在等，老板说：“这么短的头发，理平头吗？”
我说：“不，理光头。”
老板笑起来，对其他人说：“理光头的优先吧，五分钟就搞定了。”
十分钟后我出了理发店，头皮上无拘无束的，摸摸，有点扎手。觉得自己像个和尚，又想自己说不定上辈子就是和尚出身呢。
回到宿舍，舍友们都惊讶不已，狂笑过后，每个人都忍不住上来摸一把，说：
“嗯，手感蛮好！”
“去去去！把我的头当抹布了？谁再摸我脑袋我跟谁急!”
6月5日 晴得好难受
今天上网，忍不住把理光头的消息告诉我外地的同学。想不到，他竟然给我讲了一个笑话:
“一个女孩在浴室洗澡，家里的鹦鹉大叫： ‘看到了，看到了!’女孩生气了，恶狠狠地对鹦鹉说:’再叫我就拔光你的毛!’
次日一光头男子到女孩家做客，鹦鹉马上飞到客人肩头问道:’喂，你也看到了吗?’”
说完故事，同学还一个劲地问我：“你，是不是干什么坏事了?”
我气得差点晕倒……
6月10日 晴得一点新意都没有
最近过得有点郁闷……
今天下午的理论课我没去上，这很平常，每节课都有人不去上的，我也不是第一次。可没想到，上了半节课，老师环顾了一下教室，说：“今天好像有人逃课，没来齐啊。”
大家在下面喊：“来齐了，来齐了。”老师慢条斯理地说：“那个光头呢？我记得你们班有个光头，他今天没来吧？”
同学回头把这事告诉我时，我心都酸了，看来以后别想旷课了……
欲哭无泪啊……
6月11日 拜托不要再晴了好不好
由于昨天的教训，今天六节课我都去上了，可新的问题又出现了。比如我刚打个盹什么的，老师“关怀”的目光就越过几十号人立即过来了：
“那个光头的同学，睡够了没有？”
我只好撑起眼皮看着他。
外系的老师都不怎么认识咱们，平时点名都是看着花名册或点学号，就像中奖一样，点上谁谁倒霉，全看个人运气。现在可好，老师根本不看花名册，张口就来，请那位光头同学……
好命苦。
6月18日 给下点雨吧
终于成功说服了其他两个同学去理了光头，我们班一共就有三个光头了，我的噩梦被分担了三分之二。
我很感激他们，把他们当知己，所以今天上英语课特意和他们坐一块，光头见光头，照亮了半边天，也照亮了老师的眼睛。
我们三人心不在焉地听着课，这时，英语老师说：”请第二排第二个光头同学站起来。“
我左看右看，明确了自己的地理位置，极不情愿地站了起来。
“请问1点58分用英语怎么表达？”老师面带微笑，不知道他乐什么。
这个简单！我脱口而出：“Two to two。”(秃秃秃)
然后，全教室的人都笑趴了！天哪，又被耍了！
同学们，记住我血一般的教训啊，千万不要理光头!
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