I am gone.

我走了。

This is not a fairy tale, but the true history of my double life, left behind where it all began, in case I may be found again.

这不是童话，而是我双重生活的真实写照，我把它留在故事开头的地方，这样或许我还能为人所知。

My own story begins when I was a boy of seven, free of my current desires. Nearly thirty years ago, on an August afternoon, I ran away from home and never made it back. Certain trivial and forgotten matters set me off, but I remember preparing for a long journey, stuffing my pockets with biscuits left over from lunch, and creeping out of the house so softly that my mother might not know I had ever left.

我的故事开始时，我是个七岁男孩，没有现在的种种欲望。将近三十年前，在一个八月的下午，我离家出走后再也没有回去。我已忘怀那些让我出走的琐事，但却记得自己是准备了一次长途旅行，往口袋里塞满了午餐剩下来的饼干，轻手轻脚地出门，母亲也许并不知道我已离去。

From the back door of the farmhouse to the creeping edge of the forest, our yard was bathed in light, as if a borderland to cross carefully, in fear of be-ing exposed. Upon reaching the wilderness, I felt safe and hidden in the dark, dark wood, and as I walked on, stillness nestled in the spaces among the trees. The birds had stopped singing, and the insects were at rest. Tired of the blaz-ing heat, a tree groaned as if shifting in its rooted position. The green roof of leaves above sighed at every rare and passing breeze. As the sun dipped below the treeline, I came across an imposing chestnut with a hollow at its base big enough for me to crawl inside to hide and wait, to listen for the seekers. And when they came close enough to beckon, I would not move. The grown-ups kept shouting "Hen-ry" in the fading afternoon, in the half-light of dusk, in the cool and starry night. I refused to answer. Beams from the flashlights bounced crazily among the trees, and the search party crashed through the undergrowth, stumbling over stumps and fallen logs, passing me by. Soon their calls receded into the distance, faded to echoes, to whispers, to silence. I was determined not to be found.

我们的院子沐浴在日光下，从农庄的后门一直铺陈到森林稀疏的边缘，好似一处边陲之地，使人小心翼翼地穿过去时，还惴惴然地怕被发现。一进入这片野地，我立刻有了安全感，躲进昏暗幽深的树林里。走在里面，沉寂在树木的空隙间筑巢，鸟儿停止了歌唱，虫儿也在休息。一棵树在炽热的温度下感到倦怠，呻吟着，仿佛根部正在晃动。偶尔一缕清风掠过，碧绿的树冠就发出声声叹息。阳光在沿途的树木间洒落，我看到一株巨大的栗树，它的底部有个大洞，我爬进去藏在里面，等着听搜寻人员的呼唤。但当他们接近到可以招呼的时候，我却一动不动。傍晚时分，在褪去的夕阳下，在凉爽的星空下，大人们不停地呼唤着“亨——利”。我拒绝回答。手电筒的光芒疯狂地在树林里跳跃，搜寻人员经过我的身旁，他们在灌木丛中跌跌撞撞，在树桩和倒下的树干间磕磕碰碰。不久，呼喊声遁入远处，渐渐变成回响、低语，最后一片寂静。我决定不让他们找到我。

I burrowed deeper into my den, pressing my face against the inner ribs of the tree, inhaling its sweet rot and dankness, the grain of the wood rough against my skin. A low rustle sounded faraway and gathered to a hum. As it drew near, the murmur intensified and quickened. Twigs snapped and leaves crackled as it galloped toward the hollow tree and stopped short of my hiding place. A panting breath, a whisper, and footfall. I curled up tight as something scrambled partway into the hole and bumped into my feet. Cold fingers wrapped around my bare ankle and pulled.

我又往我的小窝里钻深了一些，把脸蛋贴在这棵树的筋络上，呼吸着它陈腐的芳香和黑暗的滋味，粗糙的树皮摩擦着我的肌肤。远处传来低沉的声音，汇聚成一片嘈杂。随着它的接近，低语声渐响渐快。它朝这棵空树快步而来，树枝啪啪地折断，树叶沙沙地踩碎，它停在我藏身处的附近。呼哧呼哧的喘气声，轻轻的说话声，还有脚步声。我紧紧地蜷成一团，有什么东西爬进洞里，碰到我的脚。冷冰冰的手指环住我光光的脚踝，拖动起来。

They ripped me from the hole and pinned me to the ground. I shouted once before a small hand clamped shut my mouth and then another pair of hands inserted a gag. In the darkness their features remained obscure, but their size and shape were the same as my own. They quickly stripped me of my clothes and bound me like a mummy in a gossamer web. Little children, ex-ceptionally strong boys and girls, had kidnapped me.

他们把我扯出树洞，按在地上。我才叫了一声，就有一只小手钳住我的嘴，另一双手塞了个东西进来。黑暗中，他们的轮廓模糊不清，但他们的身材和体形和我仿佛。他们飞快地扒了我的衣服，把我绑得像个蜘蛛网里的木乃伊。这些小孩子，这些异常强壮的男孩和女孩绑架了我。

They held me aloft and ran. Racing through the forest at breakneck speed on my back, I was held up by several pairs of hands and bony shoulders. The stars above broke through the canopy, streaming by like a meteor shower, and the world spun away swiftly from me in darkness. The athletic creatures moved about with ease, despite their burden, navigating the invisible terrain and obsta-cles of trees without a hitch or stumble. Gliding like an owl through the night forest, I was exhilarated and afraid. As they carried me, they spoke to one an-other in a gibberish that sounded like the bark of a squirrel or the rough cough of a deer. A hoarse voice whispered something that sounded like "Come away" or "Henry Day." Most fell silent, although now and then one would start huffing like a wolf. The group, as if on signal, slowed to a canter along what I later dis-cerned to be well-established deer trails that served the denizens of the woods.

他们扛起我就跑。我被一双双手和细瘦的肩膀举着，以极其危险的速度仰面朝天在森林里疾奔。头顶上的星星刺破天幕，如流星泻雨般飞驰，我周围的世界在黑暗中飞快地旋转开去。这群运动健将举重若轻，毫不费力地在伸手不见五指的地表和碍事的树木间穿梭，连一个趔趄、绊脚都没有。我就像一头猫头鹰滑翔在树林的黑夜中，既兴奋又害怕。他们扛着我时，彼此间叽里咕噜地说话，听上去像松鼠的叫声，又像鹿粗声大气的咳嗽。一个沙哑的声音低声说着什么“走开来”或是“亨利?戴”。大多数人都沉默不语，但时不时地会有一个像狼一样地嘘气。这群人像是收到信号似的放慢脚步，在一条小径上小跑而行，我后来发现这是一条开辟好了的鹿道，供森林里的居民们使用。

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