Avengers,
The (1998)
by Don Macpherson.
June 21, 1995
1 BLUE SKY WITH CLOUDS
PAN DOWN to reveal:
2 EXT - SALTFLATS - DAY
A flat horizon, stretching to infinity.
A 360 degree pan reveals: nothing. Deserted, no hiding places. No animals, no
humans, no objects. Except in mid distance --
3 RED PHONE BOX
brightly painted, traditional, comforting, belongs in a village green. Perfectly
ordinary -- except for its location.
Silence. Only the wind over the plain. Except --
The PHONE RINGS.
RING-RING ... a mellow, old-fashioned tone. We wait for someone to answer it. But
of course nothing and nobody for miles. Except --
4 IN DISTANCE
a CAR ENGINE ... A puff of smoke on the horizon ... VA-VA-VOOM of high geared
acceleration, as INTO VIEW
ZOOM! --
5 CAR
speeding like a bullet. Driven at maximum, breakneck speed, 125 mph. A petite open
top '65 Lotus Elan, all streamlined curves, full throttle, it nears the phone box, and --
SCREECHES to a halt.
Dust clears, ENGINE NOISE FADES. From the seat, hops --
6 KINKY BOOT
in black leather.
Buckled. Strap at ankle. Crunching into the ground.
PAN UP TO:
7 BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
late 20's. In CLOSEUPS of -- Tight black leather catsuit. A flash of auburn hair.
Black leather like a second skin. Smoothed over legs, thighs. Buckled at wrists, straps
at ankles, zips --
Pulled up over flesh. This is EMMA PEEL, scientist. Sexual, invulnerable, cool. Very
cool. She locks up at clouds in the sky. Then steps across to the phone box. Picks up
the phone.
EMMA
How now brown cow ...
(pause)
The rain in Spain falls mainly
on the plain ...
(pause)
The quick brown fox jumped over
the lazy --
From the receiver, an irritated official voice.
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Password affirmative. Thank you,
Doctor.
Emma puts down receiver. Hangs a cardboard outside the phone box. Then presses
button bakelite box.
A second's wait. A coin from the slot. Then a HUM as --
8 INSIDE PHONE BOX
the floor lowers automatically. Emma disappears. Hanging outside the box, a notice
now reads "Out of Order."
Next to the call box we notice a sign: an arrow pointing into the desert: "London 84
miles."
9 INT. LABORATORY
underground. Emma descends on the lift platform; steps into a research lab in retro hi
tech. Walks past assistants, down long pink and orange steel corridors, Werner von
Braun goes disco. Nears a door, marked: "Prospero Project -- Authorized Personnel
Only." Logo with lightning emerging from a cloud.
10 FROM AIRLOCK DOOR
A man enters, older. In matching leather suit: like an astronaut. Early 40's, handsome,
charismatic, with swept-back silver-black hair. His name tag: DR. PETER PEEL.
PETER
Ready, darling?
Peter fixes her name tag: DR. EMMA PEEL; runs a finger down over her breast. She
smiles.
EMMA
Ready as I'll ever be ...
Mutual erotic, intellectual attraction. Peter takes her hand and they walk down:
11 LONG CORRIDOR
air-lock doors: a series of sealed chambers inside a hitech Labyrinth --
A man joins them. A shyer, bespectacled, less handsome version of Peter. On his name
tag: DR. VALENTINE PEEL -- brother and partner.
In b.g., a countdown starts, ECHOING thru the lab
VALENTINE
Atmospheric pressure checked, antenna ready...
Thermal chamber ready ... Compression module
set ... Temperature control on course between
one and one forty ... Water turbulence steady ...
PETER
Anything else?
Valentine smiles, shrugs --
VALENTINE
Good luck ... Peter ... Emma.
EMMA
Thanks, Valentine ...
Emma gives him a quick peck on the cheek.
A shy look from Valentine at Emma. Peter senses
PETER
Just a minute, darling. My brother's a
worry wart. I better have a word ...
Valentine --
Peter takes Valentine over to one side. Emma checks gauges and dials. Behind her a
conversation. Peter returns.
He takes a ring from his finger --
12 CLOSEUP - DIAMOND GEM
on a gold ring.
13 BACK TO SCENE
He slips it onto her finger.
PETER
Something to remember me by.
Peter smiles. The remark strikes Emma as curious. But no time to query. She smiles
back. He gives her a kiss --
PETER
(checks his watch)
See you in an hour ...
EMMA
One sunny day ...
The countdown ECHOES around them as they separate.
14 IN DISTANCE
Valentine watches her.
15 INT. LAB CHAMBER
Inside a bed of ice, Emma is lowered by hydraulic machine into a steel radioactive
thermal chamber, glowing eerily blue
The effect is very cold. Frozen. Numb. Like a sci-fi Sleeping Beauty, beauty
entombed and sealed in a glass coffin. Plunged down into a vault. Opposite her --
In another glass coffin, Peter Peel, is lowered down.
16 FROM EMMA'S POV
The sound of their HEARTBEATS. Their BREATHING. BLEEP and PULSE OF
ELECTRONICS. Thru glass and leather. Like cerebral sex. Technological, erotic.
Peter winks at her -- Emma locks longingly at him, as --
17 UP IN CONTROL ROOM
Valentine watches behind glass. Like a kid excluded from a bedroom. He attends to
dials. And to his female assistant --
VALENTINE
(thrilled)
Readings still normal ...
The assistant smiles oddly. FOCUS ON --
An insignia tattooed on her neck: "X404." A replicant.
They monitor screens. A DULL HUM.
18 EXT. SALTFLATS - DAY
A weather antenna emerges from the ground: an enigmatic phallic silver blob, like a
Koons sculpture. The sun glints off it ...
19 DOWN BELOW
A temperature gauge rises.
The ice is infused with pulsating colors: purple -- blue -- green -- red. Starts to heat
up as if --
It soaks up temperature: from cold to hot in instants.
20 CLOSEUP - WHITE GLOVED HAND ON DIAL
"CUMULUS COLLECTOR." The graphs accelerate, but over the dull HUM -- a
MURMUR, a BREATH. As Emma's HEARTBEAT rises
The gloved hand turns up the dial, past a red danger mark.
Suddenly a BLIP. Something wrong.
21 DOWN IN HIS VAULT
Peter Peel's "coffin" starts to overheat. Peter reacts --
PETER
(intercom cutting out)
Losing control -- malfunction
in thermal chamber -- for Christ's
-- Emm --!
22 IN CONTROL ROOM
Needles push off the dials, as --
The ice swells: strange mix of colors, absorbing heat and energy in clusters of molten
metal ... steam and sparks ignite ... Valentine's eyes widen in alarm ...
COUNTDOWN (V.O.)
Five -- four -- three -- two --
one ... Three -- two -- one ...
(repeating)
Three -- two -- one ...
23 INSIDE COFFIN
Peter's glass cracks
The emergency light goes on -- the ALARM sounds -- lab assistants running ...
24 IN HER COFFIN
Emma realizes; looks to Peter --
25 EXT. SALTFLATS - DAY
The "Koons" antenna is drawing a strange purple cloud towards it, from otherwise blue
sky ... siphoning the purple atmosphere down itself into
26 INT. CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION
Thru the air ducts the purple cloud starts to billow ... Panic stations! Valentine looks
aghast at the graphs: all systems fucked, over the intercom --
VALENTINE
Emma, Peter, get out! It's going to explode!
FROM Valentine's anguished face TO Emma's face, as
VALENTINE
Emma ...
27 FROM HER VAULT
Emma undoes the straps, clambers out of her pod
28 ANGLE (IN DREAMLIKE SLOW MOTION)
Emma clambers onto her husband's pod -- in a sequence eternally replayed for her as a
nightmare --
29 BACK TO SCENE
VALENTINE
Get out! Leave him -- ! Emma!
30 RAPID INTERCUTS
The purple smoke enveloping Peter's pod, soft caresses -- Peter struggling within,
looking at Emma --
EMMA
Peter!
Her leatherclad limbs straddled over his glass coffin. Her HEARTBEAT sounds ... She
grabs, claws on glass --
Her fist draws back, blam! blam! blam! three deadly blows, Emma SMASHES the pod
cover, it --
Cracks -- splinters -- not breaking -- obscuring his face inside like a spider's web, as
behind her
VALENTINE
Don't wait for him -- he's not --
Breathless, blood smeared on glass, Emma's gashed fist bleeds thru torn leather glove --
twisted mass of flesh and glass -- GROWLING sound growing as:
31 ABOVE GROUND
The voluminous purple cloud being sucked by the antenna...!
32 CLOSEUP ON EMMA'S DIAMOND RING
gleaming thru a tear of blood as she pounds the glass --
33 BACK TO SCENE
PETER
(faint)
Emma ... Emma ...
As a GROWLING sound grows till
BOOM! An EXPLOSION rocks the vault -- flames burst out -- sound and vision
separate -- Emma hears explosion as a slow moving tear thru her psyche. A trauma.
34 ANGLE (IN EXTREME SLOW MOTION)
The blast flings Emma back thru space, flying unconscious as if in a dream, floating
backwards in --
A milky way op-art swirl of glass and steel fragments, now -- out of control,
weightless, powerless, as --
The background of sealed doors, white corridors all vanish. A spinning, black void
opens up behind her, as her eyes shut, head falls back --
An orgasmic, dream of near-death, as a CRASH OF MUSIC BEGINS a hip new
version of the "AVENGERS" THEME TUNE --
CREDITS SEQUENCE.
35 SERIES OF SHOTS
In stark silhouette The swishing of a bowler hat spinning thru space
An umbrella tossed in the air, flicked like a deadly weapon --
A rich velvety feel, key colors black/white/red. Dandyish and erotic followed by blasts
of violence, dreamy op-art puzzles and psychedelic patterns over --
A sensuous BLACK, background -- slowly revealed to be a woman's leather-clad
body --
In silhouette -- A bowler hatted man, Steed, a catsuited woman Emma. Flashes of:
hair -- eye -- a red rose -- in bloom -- petals folding and unfolding, then tightly shut.
A thorned stem, sharp to the touch --
FROM black and white INTO color -- leather Background metamorphosing into black
and white of a chessboard as ...
A medieval knight moves around its queen in a formal dance --
A fetishistic attention to detail: leather catsuit, swish of legs, boots ... hair tossed
back - - red nails over black ... creamy white skin ... zips ...
A silhouetted man in bowler hat in Savile Row suit -- old Etonian knotted tie --
umbrella stabs like a sword --
Umbrella with knotted stems of a rose furling round -- then a tear, gash -- rose cut and
tossed into --
His lapel. Until, at the end: together in silhouette.
Bowler hat thrown, skimming, swishing thru air, until --
Now only a single HEARTBEAT ... BA-BOOM ... BA-BOOM ...
Then --
PISTOL SHOTS OVER as:
36 INT. EMMA'S BEDROOM - PRE-DAWN
A gasp as Emma wakes abruptly from her nightmare, years later, startled by the shots,
naked beneath satin sheets. Her HEARTBEAT FADES as she looks around her Klaus
Oldenberg room, vinyl comforter, satin sheets. A toss of her hair.
Looks more mature. Sexual, haunted. Mrs. Emma Peel -- widow.
Same every night. Next to the clock, a framed photo of her dead husband, Peter Peel.
From outside ANOTHER SHOT ...
Emma flings on a satin robe, goes to the window and sees --
37 HER POV
a CAR zooooming past, its bowler-hatted driver racing thru early morning streets. The
damn thing BACKFIRES again ...
38 BACK TO SCENE
Emma frowns, annoyed.
39 EXT. STREETS - DAWN
Zoom! The sleek, sporty black Jaguar SS100 burns down deserted streets. Inside is a
bowler-hatted man --
JOHN STEED, late 30's. Handsome English gent, roguish looks, dandy's clothes. A
Beau Brummel figure in a Savile Row suit, velvet collar, embroidered waistcoat.
A debonair Etonian, Steed oozes charm, wit and - when he chooses to -- hard-edged,
steely menace. He drives through --
40 LONDON (1999)
This is 'Avengersland': a parallel world painted by Rene Magritte, forever England.
Bright pinks, greens and reds, an imperial city in final decadent bloom. White stucco
buildings. Regency style in candy colors. A surreally 90's city like a hipper, edgier
version of the 60's preserved in aspic, where --
Over the RADIO, a plummy voice:
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
(filtered)
... The War Office today approved military
expenditure for the nation's new defense alert
system. A spokesman said he would raise the
matter at the forthcoming World Council of
Ministers, but that a state of vigilance was
still necessary in the uncertain climate.
As Steed turns into a mews, we realize that in this kinky, pop world, ordinary life does
not intrude. No traffic. No extras. Nothing to spoil the view.
As the radio continues with a weather forecast, Steed --
41 EXT. STEED'S GARAGE - DAWN
Steed's car enters his garage -- Door closes as --
42 INT. STEED'S FLAT - DAWN
but the curtains are still drawn so the place is dark.
A large bachelor's den. Dark wood, leather armchairs ...
Steed enters his library from a concealed door --
Titles on wine and birdwatching. He clicks the door, goes to his drinks cabinet. Pours
a brandy. Hears a noise ...
Instantly on guard. In his glass, sees a shadowy reflection move. Steed peers 'round a
corner. Sees a silhouetted figure stand over his desk -- a burglar?
Steed sneaks up behind -- raises his umbrella, and --
Crack! Brings the umbrella down -- on the suspect's head. Who manages to dodge,
swivel 'round, and --
Bam! Delivers an expert blow to Steed's stomach. A rapid exchange of blows. Steed
recoils, about to jab the umbrella, when --
His assailant about to deliver a kick to his crotch -- Steed covers the area -- bam! a
spiked heel hits his bowler -- as the curtains are drawn back, light floods in -- they
freeze.
Steed knows his opponent: a lethal blonde in red leather.
STEED
Brenda -- ?
43 FROM ABOVE HIM
a voice --
MOTHER (O.S.)
Steed -- ?!
44 BACK TO SCENE
Steed swivels 'round to face -- upside down -- a man hanging like a bat from the ceiling
inches before him --
Pommaded hair, fat, dandyish: MOTHER, head of secret services; hands of extendable
metal hooks. And BRENDA, his beautiful leather-clad bodyguard. Who smiles
seductively.
STEED
Mother. I thought you were burglars.
MOTHER
Brenda and I thought we'd drop in.
Mother suits action to the word, drops into his wheelchair.
BRENDA
See how you're getting on ...
STEED
Something in the wind?
Mother wheels himself from the study. Taps a barometer. It whirls around.
MOTHER
Weather's turning nasty.
STEED
You didn't come to talk about the
weather, surely.
MOTHER
Oh yes I did. I want you to meet
somebody.
(off Steed's look)
I expect you'll like her.
Brenda coolly files her nails. A flash of jealousy.
STEED
'Her'?
45 INT. EMMA'S FLAT (PRIMROSE HILL) - DAY
A groovy penthouse (a Lichtenstein come to life?). Bach PIANO MUSIC floats in the
air.
Hands gliding over keys, Emma Peel plays with virtuoso skill. On the piano, a framed
picture of her late husband. And a photo of Emma between Peter and Valentine.
A KNOCK. Emma gets up, goes to the door. The MUSIC KEEPS PLAYING, keys
jumping up and down automatically, as --
46 AT DOOR
Emma flicks open a large automated eye. Peers thru. Opens
47 IN CORRIDOR
A MESSENGER (distinctive outfit) hands over a package tied in a bow.
MESSENGER
Dr. Peel?
EMMA
Thank you ...
Emma shuts the door. Unties the bow, opens up Finds an embossed card:
EMMA
(reads)
'Please answer the Telephone.'
Emma looks: The phone sits there.
Just then ... RING-RING. Emma goes over, picks up the phone. A recorded message,
an upper-class woman's voice:
WOMAN (V.O.)
(filtered)
Boodles Club, the Mall, 2:30 p.m.
Mr. John Steed ... Boodles Club,
the Mall, 2:30 p.m. Mr. John
Steed ...
BEEP. The phone goes dead. Emma opens up the case. Unveils a brace of kippers.
Puzzled, she holds up a fish.
EMMA
Kippers ...?
48 EXT. BOODLE-S CLUB (PALL MALL) - DAY
Near the Mall, outside white stucco buildings, a Lotus Elan pulls up and parks as a car
conveniently leaves, cutting off another angry CAR. HONK! A dash clock says 2:15.
Out gets --
-- Emma Peel, different attire. She climbs steps. On a brass plaque, "Boodles
Gentlemen's Club." She goes in, passing --
-- an astonished uniformed commissionaire.
49 INT. BOODLES' LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ACTION
A PORTER approaches her, equally surprised.
PORTER
May I help you, madam ...
EMMA
Mr. John Steed, please.
PORTER
I'm afraid that's impossible.
EMMA
Impossible?
The Porter points to a notice: "No non-members. No animals. No women."
PORTER
You are female?
EMMA
As you see.
PORTER
Then you can't come in.
EMMA
I have an appointment.
PORTER
No women. Not in Boodles. Not
since 1922.
EMMA
Really -- what happened in 1922?
Bored, Emma breezes past, already inside the hall. Old mahogany, portraits of dead
politicians, leather chairs. A male enclave.
The Porter rushes up to restrain her.
Hardly missing a step, Emma lays a gentle hand on his shoulder -- finds the nerve ends.
The Porter winces and --
EMMA
Thank you so much. I can find Mr.
Steed myself ...
-- collapses on the ground in agony. Emma ignores him. Pushes thru double doors,
upstairs, statues of naked bronze warriors frown down on her, into
50 INT. BOODLES - TURKISH BATHS - DAY
Thru a cloud of steam in an oriental room
Steed sits naked save for a towel. He hears a disturbance, thru the mist, sees --
Emma before him. Automatically, Steed dons his bowler and tips it in her direction.
STEED
Doctor Peel, I presume?
EMMA
And you must be Steed. Please
don't get up.
He doesn't. HISSING STEAM between them as they study.
STEED
I was about to throw in the towel.
EMMA
I had a spot of bother at the door.
STEED
I shouldn't wonder. Not a woman
inside Boodles since --
EMMA
1922. Why the kippers?
STEED
Red herring would have been too
obvious, don't you think?
EMMA
(looks around)
So what was all this -- some sort
of test?
STEED
Congratulations, you've penetrated a
bastion of male privilege. I guessed
you weren't a stickler for Tradition,
doctor.
EMMA
Whereas you are.
STEED
Dyed in the wool. But I can admire
someone who doesn't play by the
rules.
EMMA
Rules are made to be broken.
STEED
Not by me. Play by the rules,
Doctor, or the game is nothing.
EMMA
And just what is the game?
STEED
I say, this is all terribly formal.
Must I go an calling you Dr. Peel?
EMMA
(re: the steamroom)
Under the circumstances, you may
call me Mrs. Peel.
STEED
Much better.
EMMA
And now that we've settled the matter
of honorifics, will you kindly explain
why you wished me to meet you?
STEED
I didn't. Mother did.
EMMA
Mother?
Steed steps closer, smiling.
STEED
I expect you'll like him.
Off Emma's reaction --
51 EXT. THAMES RIVER (NEAR WHITEHALL) - DAY
CAR ROAR OVER. Down the embankment Parliament and Big Ben in b.g., the sleek
Jaguar zooms at 60mph. Steed dodges traffic --
Wearing racing goggles, windscreen down --
Executes a nifty maneuver, swerves on a zebra crossing, scatters pedestrians,
HONKING his HORN. Beside him, Emma is cool as a cucumber. Steed turns
charmingly.
STEED
Tea time -- four o'clock. Mustn't
be late.
(beat)
A word of warning. Don't take the
macaroon. Mother's favorite.
Steed swerves down a narrow alleyway, into a secret car park entrance by the
riverbank. He pulls up before a sign:
RIVER THAMES WATER AUTHORITY
No Admittance
At a control barrier Steed inserts a card. Emma sees a light flash up: "Security -- Top
Priority Clearance Only." The barrier lifts. She looks again at Steed, reappraising him
as Big Ben approaches four. The car disappears in darkness ...
52 LARGE WINDOW CURTAIN
opens, revealing water! We are beneath the Thames -- garbage and fish float past a
window of reinforced glass. An original Campbell's tomato soup can floats down as we
WIDEN to reveal ...
53 INT. SECRET SERVICE HQ - UNDERWATER - DAY
Mother in his wheelchair, pulling the curtain cord.
MOTHER
That's better. I much prefer a
womb with view, don't you, Mrs.
Peel?
A delicate CLOCK on the mantel CHIMES FOUR.
Mother wheels himself forward and hooks onto the kettle.
MOTHER
Shall I be mother?
He pours, presiding like a fat spider at the center of a subterranean web, known as The
Ministry: a vast bureaucracy in a labyrinth of tunnels.
Catches Emma's wandering lock
MOTHER
I expect you're wondering where
you are.
An atmosphere of a gentleman's club reigns in the subterranean bureau -- Emma takes
her tea ...
EMMA
Don't tell me: You're the shadow secret
service. You're so hushhush, even the
legit secret service knows nothing about
it. Am I right?
Bodyguard Brenda, a glam leather Moneypenny, wheels a trolley brimming with fancies
over to Emma and Steed.
MOTHER
Close. We're so hush-hush, even
we know nothing about it.
(before Emma can
make sense of this)
Now let's see, there's coconut cake,
date and walnut; I recommend the
rum baba ...
EMMA
Hmmm ...
MOTHER
Looks like rain, Steed...
STEED
... Showers followed by sunny periods.
EMMA
(looks up from
trolley)
We're not here to talk about the
weather, surely.
MOTHER
Oh, yes we are.
BRENDA
(to Emma, cunning)
Macaroon?
Emma hesitates; takes a cake. About to take a bite, when --
Mother switches off lights. A screen drops, covering the water window as the mood
changes from coziness to terror -- an ancient PROJECTOR RATTLES on ...
54 IN DARKNESS
Emma watches on the wall, an official Ministry film of macabre death tableaux in the
English countryside:
MOTHER
We've had a series of bizarre weather reports.
We kept them hush-hush and sent agents into
the field for data. Case number one:
April 14, 3:35 P.M., Special Agent Simkins
investigating mysterious fires in corn circles.
A field outside the village of Little Snoring,
one of the hottest days of the year. Trapped
by a sudden blizzard. Found frozen to death
in a giant ice cube -- like a mammoth in
perma-frost.
(the picture changes)
Case two: Pilot Raymond Shaw, May 6, 11:28 A.M.
Took off from a deserted airstrip near Stoke Poges,
investigating bizarre atmospheric reports. A freak
rainstorm downed him. Knocked unconscious by a
flying fish, falling from 15,000 feet. Twenty-five
inches of rain in eight minutes, over an area the size
of a cricket pitch ...
(the picture changes)
... Case three: June 2, 5:43 P.M. Defense Chief
Major Courtnay. Remains discovered in a turnip
field near Ashby de la Zouche. Our boffins
recorded a sudden blast of heat. Scorched earth,
temperature of 1000 degrees. Spontaneous
combustion. Not much of him left ...
CLICK. The lights go back on. Emma notices - a new arrival
a tall, striking OLDER WOMAN; dark glasses.
MOTHER
My number two. Special assignments.
She's --
EMMA
Let me guess -- 'Father'?
FATHER (OLDER WOMAN)
All happy families here, Mrs. Peel.
Father's dark glasses turn to Emma like a hawk. Runs her fingers over Emma's face.
Gets the outline. Emma realizes --
EMMA
You're --
Blind ... Father smiles.
FATHER
God, you're quick.
MOTHER
Have a look at these, Mrs. Peel --
He passes 'round a box of evidence related to the screen events: Steed investigates a
pair of black shoes and bowler; Emma, a fish. The shoes have agent Simkins' name
in them ...
STEED
Ah ... From Trubshaw's. My
shoemaker.
EMMA
(unimpressed)
A kipper. Or a red herring? What were
they investigating?
FATHER
A series of bizarre shifts in local weather
patterns ...
STEED
Global warming?
FATHER
Jungle plants in the Arctic? A lush
English village transformed overnight
into African scrubland? Blizzards in summer?
EMMA
How curious ...
MOTHER
Something strange is happening. And
whoever knows about it doesn't want
us to find out.
FATHER
(to Steed)
Your mission is simple. Find out
how and why these agents died.
EMMA
I'm no spy -- where do I fit in?
MOTHER
Your research into climate engineering was
state-of-the-art. Your experiments could
have revolutionized our knowledge of global
warming -- had they succeeded. We need
your expertise.
STEED
Perhaps I'd better start calling you doctor
again, Mrs. Peel --
Emma hesitates, unsure for the first time ...
EMMA
I'm not sure I'm ready to return to work.
I've been out of action for some time. I'll
consider your proposal.
She gets up, ready to go.
FATHER
One moment, Mrs. Peel. There's another
special reason we wanted you to join our
happy family; rather curious, actually ...
Mother hits the lights. He flicks the video into slow-mo. File thru image clarification,
identikit sketches.
MOTHER
Eye witness reports. Strangers in the area.
One description tallied in all three places.
Recognize her?
Emma locks. On the screen comes -- Emma Peel. Steed reacts.
EMMA
Me, isn't it?
Emma stares at the screen: incredible. Like a twin sister.
FATHER
Think of it as special assignment, Mrs. Peel.
With a twist. You're our chief suspect.
EMMA
You're saying I have no choice.
MOTHER
Father will be your controller. Steed here
will show you the ropes.
EMMA
(very arch)
Ropes?
55 INT. SECRET SERVICE HQ SHOOTING GALLERY
A life-size target of a man with blank face, bowler hat and umbrella, flips up, and --
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Is riddled with holes by
Emma, who works at reloading as
56 HIGH ABOVE IN ONE-WAY MIRRORED GALLERY
looking on, Mother with Steed.
STEED
Think she really killed those agents?
MOTHER
She may not know. Theory goes she
may be very ill.
STEED
Amnesia?
MOTHER
Possibly. Split personality ...
STEED
Insane ... ?
MOTHER
Who knows? If Dr. Darling is right,
you should watch out.
STEED
Why?
MOTHER
She may try to kill you.
57 IN SHOOTING GALLERY
Emma swiftly turns, aims, and --
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! FIRES with dead-eye precision.
All on target. Steed reacts. Ulp.
STEED
Perhaps I ought to talk with Dr.
Darling.
58 INT. SECRET SERVICE HQ PSY OPS ROOM
A gallery of portraits of Emma Peel projected on the wall based on Warhol's Jackie
(1964) -- Poignant, inscrutable, fascinating, iconic -- blown up, dissected, analyzed.
The swirling newspaper dots cover Mother and Steed like bubbles from a light show.
As DR. DARLING, head of the Ministry's Psychological Operations (Psy Ops) -- a
kind of spy version of Timothy Leary, briefs them. In his thick dark glasses and beard,
Darling's obsessive interest in Emma adds a sinister air.
DR. DARLING
One key point: Mrs. Peel is a widow:
she's obsessively devoted to the memory
of her husband the scientist Peter Peel.
You may find her a little ... remote.
Images of Peter Peel on the wall. Of Emma with him.
DR. DARLING
They were a team. Met at Cambridge.
Working on a top secret research mission
into weather conditions, code name The
Prospero Project, when Peel died.
Steed looks meaningfully at Mother.
MOTHER
Something went wrong. System malfunction.
Explosion. Mrs. Peel had a narrow escape.
Suspected sabotage. Nothing proven. File
still open.
STEED
How come you took so much interest
in her, Dr. Darling?
DR. DARLING
Her husband was one of ours.
STEED
(eyes Peel's photo,
then Mother)
Peel? Did she know?
MOTHER
Still doesn't. Better safe than sorry. She
was in a dangerous game, Steed. High
stakes. She may prove to be a risk. If
she is, there's only one solution. Termination.
STEED
Anyone particular in mind?
MOTHER
You.
OFF Steed's reaction. CLASHING BLADES OVER ...
59 INT. SECRET SERVICE FENCING SALON
Steed and Emma (new outfit), cross swords. Like everything else she does, Emma is a
champion. Steed is hard put. Both fence attached to cables -- very high-tech
dueling ...
Steed is in white; Emma (natch), in black ... yin and yang ...
STEED
You're a lady of hidden talents,
Mrs. Peel ...
Tic-tac ...
EMMA
I've no intention of hiding them ...
Tic-tac ...
STEED
Scientist ...
(tic-tac)
... marksman ...
(tic-tac)
... swordsman ...
(tic-tac)
... To what do you attribute your
overachievements?
Fast swordplay. Tic-tac-tic-tac-tic. Steed's good, too.
EMMA
My father always wanted a boy.
STEED
Really? I fail to see the connection.
EMMA
I had a feeling you would. Touche!
She lunges; her foil tips right into the heart on Steed's chest. BUZZ! Steed removes
his mask; holds her foil tip.
STEED
I take your point.
Emma takes off her mask.
EMMA
Do you?
STEED
Yes indeed. I need protection.
60 EXT. SIGN - DAY
"Trubshaw's of Jermyn Street, since 1756." Steed's Jag parked in front -- of course
there's a space. Getting out
EMMA
I thought we were on our way.
STEED
Oh, absolutely, but Trubshaw's a man
worth meeting. No point setting out
half shod.
EMMA
(dry)
Or half cocked.
61 CLOSEUP - TRUBSHAW
slips Steed's hand-made shoes an. The "lasts" shapes of shoes beside him -- bear
Steed's name.
STEED
I couldn't agree more. Thank you,
Trubshaw.
TRUBSHAW
(significantly)
Very good, Mr. Steed.
WIDEN to reveal:
62 INT. TRUBSHAW'S GENTLEMEN'S SHOP - DAY
A bull moose's antlers. A horned rhino. A Leopard. A tiger. Then next to them, in a
wall of hunting trophies Emma paces impatiently beneath them. Shop assistants attend
in tails and wing-collars, very old school tie. Steed emerges helped into a new flashy
waistcoat ...
EMMA
(gags at the waistcoat)
Steed, we really must be --
STEED
(relishing his shoes)
Ahh. Perfect fit. The luxury of a
hand-made shoe. As unique as a face
or a fingerprint. Or should I say DNA?
63 BEHIND DISPLAY
Eyes watching Emma and Steed rise ...
EMMA
You can but I wish you wouldn't ...
STEED
Thank you, Trubshaw ...
A youngish man -- in black polo neck, Beatle-cut mop, pauting lips, smart suit, druggy
high-pitched giggle. BAILEY, a cocky, cool psychopath. He watches Steed and
Emma leave ...
... and saunters after them ... CAR ROAR OVER.
64 EXT. LONDON STREETS - DAY
as the Jag races through them, heading for the country.
EMMA (V.O.)
That place is so absurd, so out of date ...
STEED (V.O.)
Do you really think so?
Another car follows them ... as they pass Buckingham Palace, now painted pink and
guarded by female grenadiers ...
65 SIGN
reading: "Scotland" with an arrow, as Steed and Emma zoom past in the Jag ...
STEED (V.O.)
Press that button, would you?
Tea?
66 CLOSEUP - SPECIAL DASHBOARD COMPARTMENT
opens, revealing a tea service: a samovar of tea, feeding into a pre-warmed pot,
pouring into two china cups ...
WIDEN to reveal:
67 INT. JAG - DAY
Emma, reacts, pours from the samovar ...
STEED
Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt
your flow of oratory ...
Steed's JAG BACKFIRES again as at the beginning ...
EMMA
You know what I mean. This car
-- and you. Nobody walks around
like that. Milk?
STEED
Not all Tradition is bad, Mrs.
Peel. No thank you.
She hands over a cup.
EMMA
But why? What's the point?
STEED
A Gentleman has to have a code.
This is part of mine. A uniform.
Think of it as my suit of shining
armor.
EMMA
And I suppose you're the knight.
STEED
The most unpredictable piece on
the board. And always ready to
protect his queen.
EMMA
That's predictable. When I find
a queen in need of protection
I'll let you know.
Steed looks in the mirror. Behind them, a car. Tailing?
STEED
I'm hoping you will.
He puts his foot down. Zoom ...
68 EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY
Towards picturesque Scotland. The JAG ROARS by - then the other car ...
69 INT. JAG - DAY
Emma consults a list, reads --
EMMA
Sir August Merryweather ... why
are we seeing him first?
STEED
As per mother's instructions.
EMMA
Do we always follow Mother's
instructions?
STEED
For a man in my position --
EMMA
Just what is your position, if you don't
mind my asking. How did a stuffed
shirt like you get into this line of work?
STEED
(smiles)
They call me in when they've reached a
dead end. Freelance. Like yourself.
EMMA
I have no choice. Why should you
risk your life?
STEED
After our fencing match, I was rather
hoping you would do the risking.
More tea?
EMMA
No thanks.
STEED
I meant me.
Emma takes in Steed's evasive answers. Sighing, she pours.
70 EXT. HIGHLANDS - DAY
The Jag winds around Loch Ness, followed by the car.
STEED (V.O.)
According to Mother, Sir August owns
half of the Highlands. A millionaire.
Former head of Special Projects at the
Ministry. Now ...
EMMA (V.O.)
An eccentric recluse?
71 INT. JAG - DAY
STEED
Not so much eccentric. More barking
mad. He has a wife called June. And
a daughter somewhere -- Julie.
EMMA
June, July ... August?
STEED
The family does seem to be somewhat
meteorologically inclined.
EMMA
Any other vices?
STEED
All of a piece, really. A fanatical
weatherman. Chairman of BROLLY.
(off her look)
British Royal Organisation For
Lasting Liquid Years. Thinks British
weather has been tampered with
by ... aliens.
Emma takes this in.
EMMA
So ... I distract him while you snoop
around? How?
STEED
Small talk. Try the weather.
72 EXT. HUGE COUNTRY HOUSE - DAY
Steed and Emma speed up to the huge open main gates
Signs: "Private: No Admittance." Guards in hunting gear and plus fours, with loaded
rifles. They start up the drive ...
Several peacocks on the lawn fan open their beautiful tails.
One of them, a mechanical peacock whose thousand eyes CLICK with the WHIR of a
CAMERA ...
The other car pulls in behind. Inside, reveal Bailey watching them.
73 INT. MANOR HOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY
On a tartan carpet, a SCOTTIE BARKS furiously at a set of EXPIRING BAGPIPES
on the floor. PAN UP to reveal:
A BUTLER leading Emma down the corridor --
-- where she admires the eccentric fixtures, pausing to note a large teddy bear outfit
with tartan trimmings instead of the usual suit of armor.
EMMA
Original ...
BUTLER
This way, miss ...
EMMA
Missus ...
He opens the double doors, admitting Emma into
74 INT. A LARGE ROOM
of semi-tropical climate. Jungle plants, parakeets, snakes. Walls lined with display
cabinets and bell jars: stuffed birds, butterflies, spiders. A thermometer reads:
100 degrees with high humidity. The Butler leaves.
Emma fans herself. Nobody in the roam. But hears a sound of RAINFALL from a
smoked glass conservatory.
EMMA
Sir August ... ? Sir August ... ?
VOICE (O.S.)
Eh? In here!
Emma follows the SOUND, steps cautiously forward.
75 INT. CONSERVATORY
beneath a sprinkler system of torrential rain, an old man splashes in bizarre rubber togs.
Emma stays cool.
EMMA
I've come to apply for membership
in Brolly --
SIR AUGUST
(shouts above the tempest)
You don't get rain like you used to in
England. A good shower that's the ticket.
Stiffens resolve, puckers the spirit, quells
the namby-pamby in a man.
SIR AUGUST steps out of the shower and wind machine. A belted rubber macintosh,
flippers, goggles. He starts to disrobe, the NOISE DIES DOWN --
EMMA
I so agree. How did you acquire a
taste for it?
SIR AUGUST
Out in India. So character-forming for the
British. Not the heat. Good Lord, no. The
rain, dash it. A good monsoon. Fifteen
inches overnight. A whole week of lovely
rain. I remember one summer in Jaipur ...
Sir August removes his goggles, recognizes her.
SIR AUGUST
You
EMMA
Have we met?
SIR AUGUST
You mean you don't recall??
Before Emma can reply, the door opens...
SIR AUGUST
Ah, Lady June ...
Emma's attention switches to LADY JUNE, a buxom lady in a sou'wester and galoshes,
who wheels in a tray of scones.
LADY JUNE
Dear August. Loves his showers.
Like a baby.
(beat)
Scones, Mrs. Peel?
EMMA
Thank you, Lady -- June ...
Emma sees Sir August gazing wistfully out of the window, which is rapidly
darkening ...
SIR AUGUST
Ah, beautiful. Just as he promised.
EMMA
Promised? Who promised?
SIR AUGUST
There, look!
Emma looks, sees rain start to pitter-patter on the windows. Emma exchanges looks
with June as the rain starts pouring.
SIR AUGUST
Imagine being caught out in a blow
like that!
76 EXT. MOORLAND - DAY
THUNDER and lightning -- Steed is caught out in it; puts up his umbrella; wanders
over the brow of a hill, past a big sign: "No Trespassers." Rains more. And more.
Turns to a tempest, as --
STEED
I say, this is a bit much.
Lashed by rain ' Steed carries on to the brow of the hill. He looks over, peers through
the mist at --
A deep purple cloud. Mushrooming towards him.
Steed can't escape it. It envelops him. Starts to blink. Cough. Footsteps less sure.
Surrounded by thick purple haze
Steed stumbles and falls
Down a hill. Tumbles to the bottom. He knocks his head on a rock. Steed blinks,
shakes his head. Eyes refocus. He sees
77 UNDULATING SAND DUNES
Sun shining down on yellow sand, a barren vista. Dead trees. Suddenly Steed's in the
Sahara. A heat haze shimmers.
Steed blinks, thinks he's dreaming when he sees ...
78 IN DISTANCE - RED PHONE BOX
Steed heads towards it. The PHONE BOX seems further away. Like an optical
illusion. Then hears RINGING.
Steed still bowler-hatted. Overcoat. Perspiring. Takes off bowler, wipes brow.
Adjusts rose in buttonhole. It wilts.
He arrives at the phone box. Opens the door. Steed picks up the RINGING PHONE,
listens to --
A SCRATCHY ORCHESTRAL RECORDING of "The Merry Widow."
STEED
'The Merry Widow'...?
Over the MUSIC, a strange --
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
... Hello ... Hello? ... Who the
hell...? Who is this? ... You must
leave the test area. I repeat,
leave the area ... Help is on the
way ...
CLICK. The line goes dead. Steed is baffled. Steps out, sees --
79 ON HORIZON
a shimmering heat haze. A figure on a camel moving towards them. Steed watches
amazed, as the camel pads closer ...
The mirage arrives. The rider dismounts. A woman in yashmak and veils. She draws
closer. Drops the veils to reveal --
Emma Peel. In her black leather catsuit.
.STEED
Mrs. Peel. Good of you to drop by.
And I see you're wearing your -
riding outfit?
Emma moves closer. Steed smiles at her. Emma closer and -- chop! -- gives a kung-fu
jab to the throat, a kick to the balls, a jab to the stomach. As Steed lies on the
ground --
STEED
Manners, Mrs. Peel.
Emma takes out a .38 GUN, points at his heart, FIRES --
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! FOUR SHOTS --
80 EMMA'S POV
-- The bullets strike his chest. Round his heart. Steed slumps back on the sands. Eyes
close ...
81 EMMA
moves over him. Drops a small toy snowshaker into his curled fingers. Blows a good
bye kiss.
82 STEED'S POV 82
The sun. Clouds roll by. The camel peers down at him.
FADE TO BLACK.
Sound of CLACKING ...
FADE IN:
83 INT. SECRET SERVICE HOSPITAL - DAY
A hospital ward. Empty apart from one bed. A nurse (Brenda in her red leather), her
spiked heels clacking on the floor, brings over a cup of tea to
Steed in a hospital bed. Who wakes, surprised to see Emma. Peering over him. Very
nonchalant. Eating his grapes.
STEED
Ah, Brenda ...
(as she leaves)
Mrs. Peel?
EMMA
You should be dead. How do you
feel?
STEED
(eyes her)
Strange.
EMMA
You were very lucky. Four shots to
the heart. I found you after I slipped
away from Sir August. Mother brought
you here. Not me you should thank.
STEED
I wasn't about to.
EMMA
I mean your man Trubshaw. Your
bullet-proof waistcoat. I thought
you were just overdressed.
STEED
I might say the same.
84 FROM GALLERY
Mother with Dr. Darling taking notes. Emma looks up at them. Drops to a whisper.
But they both are wearing headphones.
EMMA
Mother and Dr. Darling have me
under observation. They think I
tried to kill you.
STEED
Why should they think that?
EMMA
You told them. You said I arrived
on a camel, shot you four times.
Left you for dead.
STEED
Frankly that's how I remember it.
EMMA
But that's absurd. I may not be
over-fond of you, Steed, but it's
not my style.
STEED
Perhaps your memory plays tricks,
Mrs. Peel.
EMMA
(conceding)
That's possible. Sir August was convinced
he'd met me before. But I'd never met him.
Another odd thing. When it rained, he said
it was just as someone had promised.
STEED
Did he say who?
EMMA
No. But he must know. Incidentally,
my double left you with this.
Emma shows Steed the toy snow scene. A winter wonderland snow scene. He looks
puzzlingly at it. On its underneath. "The Wonderland Corporation," followed by --
STEED
An invitation. To a 'formal picnic'...?
EMMA
Did you say formal? I must dress.
85 EXT. LONDON STREET - NIGHT
The sporty Jag pulls up outside a tall, swanky building. Steed gets out, opens her door.
Irritated, Emma steps out of the car, clad in her leather suit --
86 CLOSEUP OF HER HEEL
hitting the street. PAN UP TO Steed, admiring --
STEED
I must say, you look more your
old self --
EMMA
You mean my other self ...
STEED
Either way ... may I ask: why
you dress in that fashion?
EMMA
I should have thought that was
obvious ...
(off his smirk)
I'm in mourning.
She moves off. Stay on his poker face.
STEED
I can't wait to see afternoon.
He joins her; they survey the building.
EMMA
Where's the picnic?
They look up to --
87 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT
A boardroom suite, overlooking London. Lights twinkling --
Around a conference table. Twelve TEDDY BEARS. Each six feet tall. Ridiculous
and sinister. In pink, turquoise, brown, black, white, green. Furry, giant paws and
ears, swivel eyes. One teddy sports a familiar tartan ...
On the table, children's party food: jellies, hundreds and thousands, birthday cakes.
And wrapped presents before each.
Each bear has a name-badge: Bobby, Bobo, Bruno, Bibi, Betty, Binky etc. pinned to
their fur. A children's tune, "THE TEDDY BEAR'S PICNIC," plays. Followed by -
a gavel rapping order.
A distinctively chilling voice, eerily familiar and seductive, which ECHOES through our
story --
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Ladies, gentlemen and bears ...
The teddy bears look round. Can't hear who's talking.
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Today is history. The first day of the future.
I welcome you to the first general meeting
of the Wonderland Corporation, now allied
with our colleagues from Brolly ...
Murmurs of congratulations amongst the bears ...
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
You have all given time, money and expertise
to achieve our goal. But we are reaching a
new phase of our operation. From today,
many of you will no longer be needed. I have
to warn you ...
Dismay from the teddy bears. As a CUCKOO CLOCK RINGS OUT,
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
A cuckoo. The first sign of spring, and ...
A cuckoo in our nest. Our organization is
no longer secret. Agents are investigating
us. Their names are John Steed and Emma
Peel. I believe we have a traitor among us
... perhaps more than one ...
Uproar from the teddy bears. Shouts of "Who?" (*PS: One of the Teddys is a giant
rabbit who seems especially alarmed).
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
That remains to be seen. When we find
the traitors, they will be dealt with severely.
TEDDY BEAR #l
These agents. Where are they?
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Here. In this building. By our estimate, they
will enter this room in thirty-five point five
seconds precisely ...
Panic. The bears scramble to go, bumping into each other.
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
I am sorry the party is over. But we
shall meet again.
To each of you a gift. A token of
my appreciation.
In front of the teddy bears, each one receives a present wrapped up in paper with a pink
and silver bow.
The tartan teddy opens his up: A snow scene. Anxious moans.
88 INT. BUILDING - NIGHT
UP and inside fire staircase, Emma and Steed run up -- Open the door to the
conference room. The CUCKOO RINGS on their entry. To FIND an empty room.
Only the party detritus plus little teddy bears sitting where formerly the big ones sat; the
teddy bear picnic MUSIC PLAYING again OVER ...
One snow shaker left. Steed picks it up: Inside it:
89 TINY EMMA PEEL
in black leather.
STEED (O.S.)
For you, Mrs. Peel.
90 BACK TO SCENE
Emma stares at it. Turns it over: an address.
EMMA
Another invitation. 38 Marlborough
Terrace ...
91 INT. EMBASSY (BELGRAVIA) - NIGHT
Inside number 38, a deserted Eastern bloc embassy. A dilapidated hammer and sickle
tapestry in tatters. Old spy techno-junk lies discarded in elegant living rooms.
Steed and Emma open the door, rush inside.
They search for clues. A cigar left in an ashtray. Steed picks it up with distaste.
Then moves over to the wine rack, picks up a vintage bottle of champagne --
STEED
(admiringly)
Hm ... A Veuve-Cliquot '56 ...
(then puzzled)
But he bites the end of his
Monte Cristos ... ?
(frowning)
Clearly, we're dealing with a
maniac.
Meanwhile, Emma goes into the --
92 NEXT ROOM - EMMA'S POV
where she sees a blob of BUBBLING GUNK, like radioactive chewing gum. A few
pieces of charred clothing tell us this was once a man in a teddy bear outfit.
93 BACK TO SCENE
Steed enters behind her, examines the gunk.
STEED
Colonel Crabtree. International
Satellite Systems. Formerly of
the Ministry.
EMMA
How on earth can you tell?
Steed holds up the inside of a battered shoe: the name.
STEED
Elementary, Mrs. Peel. Trubshaw
isn't the only shoemaker still
practicing his trade ...
EMMA
Very good, Steed ...
A MEWLING SOUND.
EMMA
What's that?
Leaving Steed to ponder the remains, Emma goes into
94 ANOTHER ROOM
Dark. Switches on the light. And gasps.
95 STEED
looks up as Emma emerges with -
A Leopard cub. Steed raises his brolly.
STEED
What on earth?
EMMA
Any ideas?
STEED
Well, he was a fellow of the Royal
Zoological Society ...
EMMA
Is that written in his shoe?
STEED
(smug)
Common knowledge, Mrs. Peel ...
EMMA
(shrugs)
She had this in her mouth. There,
there...
Cooing to the cub, Emma tosses to Steed -- another snowshaker. Inside -- another
address: 84 Cadogan Place.
STEED
Not again. There's got to be
another. way to go about this.
96 EXT. CADOGAN PLACE APARTMENT BUILDING (KNIGHTSBRIDGE) -
NIGHT
Down a sheer wall Emma Peel abseils with rope and crampons. Before gliding through
an open French window --
97 INT. KNIGHTSBRIDGE FLAT - NIGHT
Emma investigates. Nobody there. She looks 'round. Military memorabilia. Busts of
Napoleon and Charlemagne. Looks inside drawers. Desks. Meanwhile --
98 INT. STEED'S JAG - NIGHT
Steed feeds a carton of milk to the leopard, who is a handful ... licking, pawing him ...
STEED
Now, now ...
(sings)
'I can't give you anything but
love, baby...'
99 INT. KNIGHTSBRIDGE FLAT - NIGHT
Emma searching ...
100 OUTSIDE FLAT DOOR 100
a key in lock. Door opens. Silence.
101 INSIDE - EMMA
finds a snowshaker. About to look underneath. Hears a NOISE. Looks up, in front of
her in the mirror, sees -A giant teddy behind her. Ready to strike --
Emma swivels 'round, a fluid balletic motion, and --
Bam! A kick to the teddy's stomach. Then off balance, Emma hurls him over her
shoulder, darts in to pin the teddy to the ground as --
The teddy grabs Emma's legs, flings her off balance. She falls. Teddy grabs a military
sabre from the wall, and Woosh! Slices through air at Emma's head. She ducks. The
sabre skims her hair. Emma grabs another sabre; the fight is on!
Emma counterattacks. Slashes with the sabre and the teddy's head goes flying off!
Jesus. The torso stands unsteadily.
Emma's eyes widen as:
A man's head emerges from the teddy torso.
Emma's so surprised, he can slug her ...
Emma's out.
102 INT. STEED'S JAG - NIGHT
so is Steed and the Leopard -- both asleep. A little milk dribbles down Steed's chin ...
103 INT. KNIGHTSBRIDGE FLAT - NIGHT
The man goes to the other room. Starts to take off the rest of his teddy costume.
Throws clothes into a suitcase.
The PHONE. Terrified, the Man picks it up ... The voice ...
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Naughty teddy ...
MAN
No! You can't ...
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Ask not for whom the telephone
rings, it rings for thee ...
MAN
But I've got rid of her. She's ...
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Go to the window ... To the window.
Teddy moves to the open window. Sudden PAIN. LIGHTNING.
Teddy looks up in terror as a purple cloud releases another BOLT. Direct hit. The
teddy slumps to the ground. Soggy, waterlogged, very dead. Kinda like the
other guy ...
104 IN OTHER ROOM
Meanwhile Emma wakes up. Turns the corner. Towards the other room, sees dead
Teddy. Reads the label on his suitcase ...
EMMA
Major D'Arcy ... ?
105 OVER HER SHOULDER
from the window behind her like a spider on glass appears another "Emma" --
-- let's call her Bad Emma -- coming straight for Emma. She makes a NOISE. Emma
turns just in time to see.
EMMA
Well, well. If it isn't me ...
Emma starts towards her double, who hesitates, then turns, leaping out the window ...
she wears the same black catsuit.
The real Emma rushes, follows her "double"
Clambers outside to rappel up the line to
106 EXT. ROOFTOPS - NIGHT
Emma looks. Beneath a starlit sky criss-crossed by wires, a rooftop maze of buildings,
flanked by giant gargoyles -- goblins, lions, griffins -- over twinkling lights ...
Emma searches the roof -- no sign, only shadows. Then turns a corner to see --
Above the city, fairy lights on the rooftops of Harrods, lit by a million bulbs ... giant
neon signs ...
Several floors below, Emma sees the streets. A twinge of vertigo. Then she looks up,
hears a NOISE -- From:
107 BEHIND GARGOYLE
she sees her "double" run. Emma gives chase.
Hot pursuit. Over rooftops. 'Round wires. PAST neon signs high over the city ...
Emma follows. Gains on the "double," who --
Pushes faster. Gliding between rooftop buildings. Dodging, weaving. But Emma
gains more. Sleek limbs, muscular, perfect body machine, until --
108 EMMA'S POV
as she sees her "double" leap over a yawning chasm. And stumble on the other side for
a footing.
109 BACK TO SCENE
as Emma's adrenaline surges. She cannot stop, she --
Jumps! Hangs in the air. Limbs pushing out for the edge. And only just, she lands
perfectly, gaining, closing, until --
110 ON NEXT ROOFTOP
Emma gains up close. A final burst of acceleration. Then without warning, her
"double" --
Turns, Emma catches up, and --
Wham! Wham! A kick -- a chop to Emma's body - double scissorkick -- Emma reacts
swiftly, surges into overdrive --
In a lightning-fast kung fu duel -- CRACK OF BONE -- CRUNCH OF BLOWS -- a
flurry of kicks as Emma --
Lands on her back. The "double" attacks. Emma retaliates --
Kicks up her leg -- flings the "double" over her head she lands awkwardly -- a
METALLIC CRUNCH in a blow to her head -- but picks herself up without pausing
And vanishes into the rooftop maze.
111 AGAINST SKYLINE
Emma stands. Looks. She's lost her "double." She stands alone, silhouetted against
the night sky.
Caught in the moonlight. Above sparks of neon. Daunting, muscular, poised for
action, as --
Ears listening to distant noises. SWOOSHING TRAFFIC. FLUTTER of BIRD
WING. HUM of WIND through wires. Then an AUDIBLE SNAP --
112 EMMA'S POV - HIGH ANGLE
above her a SPAM as a STEEL CABLE WIRE of an aerial is snapped. Slowly wound
tightly 'round, bent back, coiled, ready to spring --
113 BACK TO SCENE - EMMA
looks 'round. Sees nothing, hears the sound of the WHIPLASH coming seconds
before --
Through the air --
114 EMMA'S POV
a flashing line like a bolt of lightning, but cannot move quickly enough as --
115 BACK TO SCENE
as a cable wire whips across, coils 'round Emma, lashing her tight, crushing air from
her, as the wire --
Sweeps Emma off her feet, whiplashes her back like a spring, hoists her and dangles her
over the city. She looks down.
A long way.
Emma grabs hold of the wire, which pulls her back. She drops down to the rooftop ...
Slithers down the roof. Slips --
116 OVER LEDGE
Emma hangs on with fingertips.
Overlooking city with 100-foot neon sign above her:
117 ADVERTISEMENT
for "Wonderland Weather" with: a repeated loop of a 100-foot high bikini-clad
"Emma" throwing head back in holiday fun -- Sign: "COMING SOON -- THE
NATURAL BEAUTY OF WONDERLAND WEATHER."
118 BACK TO SCENE
Emma hangs on, looks up, stares at "herself." The surreal repetition of the loop.
Overlooking the whole city.
Dizzy, Emma threatens to pass out. Just when from --
119 ABOVE HER
an unseen hand from Bad Emma winds down --
Another CABLE for her to hold. It uncoils down past the windows, telltale SPARKS
flare up as it hits metal --
Emma tries to grab for it. Misses, then grabs hold, and -- a LIVE CABLE -- a
thousand VOLTS surge through her body --
-- A shock, Emma plummets DOWN TO --
120 STRIPED AWNING
on a lower ledge. She hangs precariously. Catching her breath. About to redouble her
efforts. When beside her from a --
121 BALCONY WINDOW
an umbrella extended. Steed reaches out, reels Emma in. They are back in Teddy's
flat ... Emma collapses in Steed's arms. He helps her up -- hands her a phone.
STEED
For you, Mrs. Peel.
EMMA
Thanks ...
(dry)
I see what you mean about letting
me do the risking ... Hello?
It's Sir August.
SIR AUGUST (V.O.)
(filtered)
Mrs. Peel ... Come quickly.
Brolly's been betrayed! I'll tell
you everything ... The weather's
getting worse and worse ... they're
after me ... coming for me ... come
quickly!
CLICK.
EMMA
Sir August...?
(to Steed)
What now?
STEED
Ask Mother.
Sound OVER: RING-RING.
122 INT. MANOR HOUSE (SCOTLAND) - DAY
Sir August gripped with terror, stares at the PHONE. The scotty DOG BARKS.
Finally, Sir August answers.
SIR AUGUST
Mrs. Peel -- ?
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Ask not for whom the telephone
rings ...
SIR AUGUST
No, please! I beg you ...
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Walk over to the window ...
SIR AUGUST
Let it be rain, please let it be --
VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Stay by the window. By the window.
Mesmerized, Sir August goes to the window. Looks -- Lady June arrives, too late.
123 OUTSIDE
a purple cloud of cyclone-force rages towards him. A luminous glow. Then a
LIGHTNING STRIKE. And --
BOOM! An EXPLOSION BLASTS the WINDOWS. A WIND rushes
in ...
FATHER (V.O.)
Emergency alert ...
124 EXT. WHITEHALL STREETS - DAY
PAST obscure imperial statues a tiny micro Messerschmidt bubble car tootles down
deserted streets.
FATHER (V.O.)
A cyclone hit Banffshire last night.
Completely unpredicted ...
125 INSIDE CAR
EMMA
Where's Mother?
FATHER
Mobile HQ. In a blue funk. Can't
take chances. I'm looking after
things while he's hiding out ...
Father drives like a maniac. She senses their unease.
FATHER
You're probably wondering how I
can drive 'blind.' Simple. A new
prototype from the boys in X division.
Micro-sensors in the system read
signals and road information. Converts
the info into miles per hour.
Ultra-sensitive. Ultra-smart.
Father jumps a red light. CARS SCREECH together in a huge pile-up. Not that smart.
Steed holds onto his hat.
STEED
We know one thing. That suspect
was not Mrs. Peel.
FATHER
So you say ...
EMMA
You don't believe him?
FATHER
It's Mother you have to convince.
He's very agitated. Wait here.
Father SCREECHES to a halt on Holland Park Avenue
Steed and Emma get out. Father takes off ...
EMMA
But
STEED
Don't bother. Here's a bus ...
A red London number 22 bus drives up. As it arrives, in a conductor's cap is -- the
bodyguard, Brenda.
BRENDA
Fares, please,
126 INT. BUS - DAY
Steed and Emma board the bus. Destination: Not In Service. They pay Brenda, the
conductor. Go upstairs.
127 UPSTAIRS
is Mother's temporary mobile HQ. He squats in a corner. Metal hooks on electronic
panels. Now paranoid. Suspicious. All the upper windows have been blacked out.
MOTHER
Welcome to mobile H.Q. Weather's
turning quite nasty. Sir August was
blown to smithereens. Along with
half of Banffshire. The Ministry's
worried.
EMMA
He tried to warn us ...
STEED
We had a lead to Wonderland
Weather but we got there too late.
Someone tipped them off ...
MOTHER
Too late anyway. Today's escapade
was only for starters. This is no
ordinary weather. It's manmade. A
kind of weather bomb.
STEED
Impossible.
EMMA
Not quite. This is my field.
STEED
Is there anything that isn't?
EMMA
(ignores)
The Prospero Project was started by
my husband. It was an early attempt
to solve the problems of global warming.
In theory, climate engineering is entirely
feasible. We thought of injecting a
chemical cocktail into the atmosphere
by laser and satellite. A 'quick fix'...
STEED
Filling in mother nature's blind
spots ... ?
EMMA
Exactly. There'd been earlier attempts
to pump carbon dioxide into deep sea.
Propane gas mostly. In small quantities
it captures chlorine. Protects the ozone
layer. But it proved impractical.
Too bulky ...
STEED
But if someone miniaturized the
process...
EMMA
That's what we were working on.
STEED
Sounds as if someone's hijacked
your research.
MOTHER
Would it be possible to use it for
military purposes?
EMMA
Directed by laser. Bounced by
satellite. Quite possible.
STEED
Where would they aim for?
Mother thinks, gets out of his wheelchair; takes a turn about the bus, sits down again.
No one pays any attention.
MOTHER
London. The World Council of Ministers
meets soon on global defence. If you can
control the weather, you control the world.
EMMA
After the cold war ...
STEED
The hot and cold war ...
Sign "Grand Opening Soon." WIDEN to reveal ...
128 EXT. WONDERLAND WEATHER OFFICES - DAY
Steed looks around, picks the lock ... hi-tech style ...
129 INT. WONDERLAND WEATHER OFFICES - DAY
A kind of space-age travel agency. Steed enters.
At the reception desk, the receptionist has her back turned. Steed sneaks in, moves
behind a screen, overhears --
A man -- Bailey -- giving orders to the receptionist
BAILEY
New orders. The penultimate phase.
Now fully operational ...
Steed moves away from them, pushes a set of double doors open, arrives inside --
130 INT. WONDERLAND OFFICE - DISPLAY - DAY
A long corridor surrounded by a presentation of --
Virtual reality weather: clouds, sunny vistas, lush meadows, desert. And slogans:
"Be natural. Act natural. Think natural. The natural beauty of Wonderland Weather."
Steed reacts; the model is the same as Emma on the big neon sign near Harrods ...
Steed finds a desk. Inspects papers. Sees a postcard of a large stately home. He
pockets it. Then looks 'round to see --
Bailey before him. We recognize him as the young dandy trailing Steed. Neither gives
away the other.
BAILEY
We're not yet open for business,
I'm afraid.
STEED
Shame. I was recommended. By a
friend.
BAILEY
Really?
STEED
Sir August Merryweather? I was
looking for something relaxing.
Say, a Tuscan hillside in June?
BAILEY
Normally, we'd be eager to
oblige --
STEED
Seriously?
BAILEY
Of course. Natural weather delivered
to your door on demand. Down your
phoneline. For limited periods.
STEED
You don't say. How real does it feel?
BAILEY
As real as you wish. Hot or cold.
Humid or dry. Anything you like.
Within reason.
STEED
There are limits?
BAILEY
The technology is brand new. Soon
it will be more powerful. We
anticipate a huge demand. Leave us
your number. We'll be in touch.
STEED
No need. I'll call again.
Steed raises his bowler. Bailey watches him go.
131 EXT. WONDERLAND OFFICES - STREET - DAY
Steed emerges, stares at his postcard -- the stately home and:
"Headquarters, Wonderland Weather, Ltd." as --
EMMA (V.O.)
My car. I'll drive.
132 EXT. COUNTRY ROADS - DAY
Emma's LOTUS ELAN WHIZZES BY...
STEED (V.O.)
A day in the country ...
133 INT. LOTUS - DAY
EMMA
Three agents killed by bad weather...
STEED
... And by you, Mrs. Peel ...
EMMA
(ignores)
Then a mad millionaire. Head of a secret
defense establishment. A group of
eccentrics obsessed by weather ...
STEED
... And by you, M
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